Falling Bombs
by Frances
A little over four months ago, I was ambushed.
I was lying in bed reading a nice little romance about a boy and a girl, said boy woos girl, there's a few mishaps, boy and girl fall in love, boy asks girl to marry him and they live happily ever after. You know the kind of novel. You've read them. You've enjoyed them. They're like candy for the reading soul. I was enjoying my candy when my nineteen year old daughter, Sally, came into my room and sat on the edge of my bed. It was one of the good parts so I gave her the one minute signal and made her wait before I gave her my full attention. My children know that sometimes good parts of a book cannot wait. She sat there patiently while said boy rescued the damsel in distress and received a kiss on the cheek for his harrowing adventure.
I looked up from my fabulous adventures of the book world and into the very excited eyes of my daughter. She was just back from a date with her latest boyfriend. I think she was on her fourth in as many months. She was young, she was happy and so was I.
"So, how was the date?" I asked.
"Mom, it was wonderful," she gushed.
"I'm so glad. What did you do?" I asked, trying to be the ever dutiful mother since I really just wanted to get back to my romance, finish it up and go to sleep. I hoped I was going to get the short version.
"We went ice skating at the indoor rink. It was wonderful! He's such a good skater. I kept up even though it's been years since I went skating. Then, he took me on a picnic at Cascade park. We sat up by the toys where there's a little more light. It was wonderful."
I interrupted, "Weren't you cold? It's January, not exactly picnic weather."
"Mooooom, I was fine. We played on the toys and swung in the swings and then sat and had our picnic. At the end of the picnic, we went back to the swings and he asked me to marry him and I said yes!" She was almost screaming with excitement by the end of her statement.
I was almost screaming too, but for a completely different reason. I knew I had to keep my calm. "Did you just say you got engaged?"
"YES! It was the most romantic thing and I totally wasn't expecting it but I know I love him Mom so I said yes."
You loved the last three boyfriends too at this point in your relationship, was my first thought, but luckily I didn't say that. "Okay, tell me what happened Sally, dear," I said as calmly as I could. Crazy yelling screaming, which I wanted to do, never goes over well.
Both of our hearts were racing at this point; hers from her love induced euphoria and mine from shock.
"Well, after we ate we went swinging on the swings again. Peter had gotten kind of quiet so I was thinking how much fun this date had been with all the exciting things we had done when suddenly Peter looked over at me. He said he knew we hadn't been dating very long..."
I know, it's only been 3 weeks, I thought.
"...but he knew he loved me. It was amazing to hear that..."
Who doesn't like to be told they are loved and yes, it is amazing, I thought.
"...and then he told me how wonderful he thought I was and how beautiful I was...."
At the very least, he knows the right things to say.
"... and then he jumped out of the swing and walked over to me. I'd kind of stopped swinging by then. He took my hand and got down on one knee but he was so low down because of the dip under the swing that I jumped out of the swing. He said he'd be the happiest man on this earth forever if I would marry him. I looked down at that amazing man..."
He's only 21. He's barely more than a boy, but I guess it's all relative.
"...and I knew I loved him so I said yes!" she yelled the last bit she was so excited. I wanted to yell myself, but from a different kind of excitement. I took a few breaths. What do I say to my daughter? I can't tell her what I want to say, which is you are crazy! You barely know the boy. We barely know the boy and we don't even know his family. You can't risk your entire life's happiness on one night of wonderful, romantic magic! I think the power from above was helping me that night because I knew those were not the right words and I actually refrained from saying them. I didn't want to lose her because of her idiocy or mine.
"Well," I said and took a deep breath and asked for a little more help from above, "that's very exciting and very surprising. I wasn't expecting something like this so soon."
"Neither was I Mom, but it was just so wonderful and he's so wonderful and everything is so wonderful!"
"I'm glad it's all so wonderful but are you sure this is what you want? What about college? You were only supposed to be taking a semester off," I asked. I thought it better to wonder about college than to wonder about the marriage.
"Oh, he says he totally supports me going back to college. We'll go to school together. If he can't get into my school, he says he'll go to the local community college there. He's really thought of everything Mom."
Yeah right. He's 21, I thought but I said, "Yes, I suppose he has. Well, since he's thought of everything, do you have a date?"
"Well, he thought we should talk to our parents and find out what days would work but we'd like to be married in June."
"JUNE?" I asked incredulously and with a little more force than I wanted to but really, four months from now, what was the rush. I knew she couldn't be pregnant since they hadn't been dating long enough. "Why so fast?"
"Well, it's kind of silly Mom, but remember the musical Seven Brides for Seven Brothers we used to watch a lot when I was younger. You remember, right?"
I nodded. Of course I remembered. I loved that musical and still watched it a lot. She just stopped watching it with me because she was soooo busy.
"Well there's that song in there that says "When you marry in June you're a bride all your life" and so when Peter asked me what month I'd like to get married in I said June."
Crap! Why did I ever let her watch that evil musical? This June wedding was my fault, but maybe I could salvage it. "If it's June you want to get married in, then how about a year from June? It would give you and Peter more time to get to know each other, you could get another year of school done and it would give us more time to plan a wedding."
"Peter said the same thing but I insisted this June. It just seems right and I don't need a big wedding. We could have something small with just family and a few friends."
She insisted on this June? This isn't going to go well. She never listens to her father or I once she gets an idea into her head. I remember the time she was 12 and insisted on going to a party that her father and I knew would not be a good idea so we told her she could not go. She went to her room to sulk and unbeknownst to us, climbed out of her second story window and tried to shimmy down the drainpipe only to end up falling most of the way, breaking her fall with her arm and crawling in the front door with a broken arm. We spent the rest of that Saturday night in the emergency room.
I'm going to have to tread lightly with this one or she may drag poor Peter along behind her as she rides off into the Vegas sunset and we will not be invited. There is still time to figure out the best way to express my concerns without pushing her away but I am going to need her father for this. "Okay, give me a few days to get adjusted to this idea and you still have to tell your father. He's on his business trip in China you know?"
She looked at me as if I'd lost my mind and I felt like I had and, somehow, a daughter too.
"Mom, I know dad's in China. I haven't forgotten everything in the last couple of hours. I was hoping you could tell him before he gets back. You talk to him every morning, right?"
"Oh no, dear, I'm not telling him this. You're on your own with this one," I said, but I knew I'd be on the other line of the phone listening into this conversation.
"Mom, perhaps you could just get him prepared for this news?" she asked.
"I could probably do that, but you have to tell him," I replied. He was going to need some forewarning. Heaven knows I would have appreciated it!
"Okay Mom, I'll let you talk to him tomorrow morning and then I'll call him tomorrow night and tell him. He should be awake then, right?"
"Yes," I said, but I wondered if he'd even be able to sleep after I had prepped him and how was I going to prep him without breaking the news. It would be a delicate operation.
"Well Mom, I'm off to bed. I'm tired and there's a lot to do tomorrow."
"Good night sweetheart and congratulations. It's a very exciting thing," and it was, for her, but not so much for me.
She ran off to bed and I looked down at the romance book in my hand. I closed the book and knew it would be a long time before I read another fluffy romance. There was obviously too much romance floating around this house already!
Her father, Charles, took the news as well as could be expected. I prepped him the best I could. I think he was actually relieved it was only a marriage we were dealing with by the time I got done "prepping" him. He knew we had to be on board with this wedding if we didn't want to lose our little girl. We had too many experiences during her teenage years to look back on to know she would do this with or without us. She'd inherited a lot of stubbornness from us. I liked to tease her father that it came from his side of the family but we both knew the truth, it came from both sides. We knew if we pushed too hard against the marriage that she would do it out of spite, just to prove she was adult enough to make her own decisions. We had to be silent objectors and hope for the best.
I mean, had it been five years down the road I would have totally been on board, she was just sooooo young but it was her life and she had chosen to do this. I wanted to support her but at the same time I also wanted her to know it was never too late to change her mind and delay this wedding for a year or four! It was a delicate line to tread. I often would throw into our conversations that we could still change the date or cancel the flowers, you know, if you changed your mind or anything but she hadn't and we were down to the last two weeks before the wedding. All thoughts of cancellation were in the past. It was crunch time. It was go time.
I couldn't complain, everything had come together nicely. Peter's mother, Charlene, had been a great help. I'd gotten to know her pretty well as we discussed wedding preparations. She was a nice woman. I knew we wouldn't be lifelong besties or anything, but family events would be cordial. Besides, she was very efficient and organized which had helped immeasurable with the wedding prep. The location was scheduled, the invitations were sent, the food and flowers ordered and the dress, we only had the final fitting to go. We were headed there right now.
I looked over at Sally who was unusually quiet. I suppose the weight of the wedding was getting to her. She was looking out the window and seemed to be quietly meditating. She hadn't even turned on any music in the car. There were a lot of things for her to contemplate right now with all the changes about to happen in her life. The carefree days of her teenage years would soon be gone. She was about to turn twenty, get married, and start a new life with someone else. There would be new responsibilities and someone else to be responsible to and for. It was hard to see her go but Peter was a nice man; I just hadn't been prepared to let her go so early. I could feel the tears starting. I needed a new train of thought or I'd be crying before we even got to the wedding salon, let alone the dress fitting.
"Sally, what else do you have on your list for us to do?" I asked. I had asked her to come up with a list of things she felt we needed to finish before the wedding. I kept my own mental list of add ons to her list.
"I'm not sure Mom. I haven't looked at it today. I can check it when we get home," she replied.
"Don't you have it on your phone? Why don't you pull up the list and we can talk about what else we need to do after this fitting. The time will be here before you know it," I replied. I needed a distraction and it seemed like she did too.
"I don't really feel like it right now. I just want to think."
"Okay dear, but I'm going to turn on the music," I said. I needed a distraction. I kept seeing my little five year old sitting in the seat beside me talking about her first day of school or the day Sally made her middle school volleyball team or the first time we went out selling girl scout cookies in her little daisy uniform. Memory lane was getting to me today and I needed a distraction. I put on my CD of oldies but goodies. You can't beat the music of the fifties and sixties is what I always say. We listened in silence until I started singing along. We made it through three songs and then "Chapel of Love" came on. I was gearing up to belt out the chorus but all I got out was "Going to the chapel and we're" before Sally reached over and turned it off. I looked over at her, confused, but she just looked out the window.
"Sorry Mom, I just need it quiet right now, besides, we're almost at the shop," Sally said and she was right, we were, but still that was weird. I pulled into the parking lot and parked the car. I decided we just needed to enjoy the dress experience and I would talk to Sally on the way home.
Once we got in the shop they bustled Sally off to the dressing room areas and I settled down on a very uncomfortable settee with a bottle of water to wait. I knew the drill. This was our third and final fitting. From previous experience, I knew I had about fifteen minutes to waste until Sally came out. I looked around at the two other brides in the room showing off their latest selections to their moms and girlfriends for their opinions. One group looked to be in tears so they must have either found the dress or were beyond frustration at this point. We'd almost gotten to tears of frustration, instead of joy, because Sally refused to try on the dress I had suggested the moment we came in the salon.
Sally immediately disliked the dress the moment she saw it on the mannequin and probably liked it even less when I suggested she try it on, but two and a half hours and ten dresses later, she was willing to put it on. She loved it the moment she saw herself in the mirror and was willing to concede, after a little hemming and hawing, that I had been right.
I had just loved the dress! It was perfect and I was glad we had found the dress on the first day out since we only had a short time to find a dress. We rush ordered it and the alterations were done over the last three weeks. I was thrilled at how wonderfully everything was turning out.
I looked across the salon again and the mom or grandma was giving the bride-to-be a hug so I hoped it was joy they were experiencing but I didn't have any more time to watch the encounter as Sally was coming right towards me. She was beautiful. I could feel the tears starting.
"Oh Sally," I gushed, "You look amazing! I love it! How do you feel?"
"Fine Mom, I guess. I don't know," she replied. She was playing with the folds of the dress.
"What do you mean you don't know? Is something not fitting right? Is it bothering you? What's the problem?"
"I don't know Mom," she said and that's when she started blubbering, then crying and it quickly turned into sobs before I could even jump up to give her a hug. I realized she must be overwhelmed with all this wedding stuff and it seemed to be hitting her all right at this moment when she was seeing herself in her wedding dress.
"It's okay Sally. We can fix the dress. What do you want us to do?" I patted Sally on the back and looked at the seamstress for acknowledgment that everything could be adjusted on the dress. The seamstress stood to the side looking slightly bored. I think this might happen quite often around here. "What's wrong honey? The dress can be fixed," I reiterated forcefully. I wanted her to know, I needed her to know, we could fix the dress. It was going to be okay.
"Mom, it's not the dress," she wailed. Everyone in the salon turned to look at us, even the seamstress started to look interested.
I led Sally to the settee and made her sit down. Her dress puffed up so much around her there wasn't room for me but I just picked up the dress and shimmied in as best I could. I sat right next to Sally and put my arm around her shoulder. "Dear, if it's not the dress, what is it?"
"I don't think I can marry Peter."
She dropped the bomb on me and I felt like it exploded in my lap. Perhaps it was just nerves, cold feet. The wedding was coming quickly.
"Dear, a lot of people get cold feet right before the wedding. Are you sure it's not just cold feet? Nerves?" I asked. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the seamstress getting closer to us. I guess she didn't see this happen every day.
"Mom, I feel like I have a pit of despair in my stomach. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I am having a hard time talking to Peter and I feel like the world is closing in on me. Right now, I'm not sure what I was thinking four months ago. I'm only nineteen."
Ahhhhhhh! Not the pit of despair! I interrupted, "You'll be twenty in one month." I guess I thought that might be helpful. I was grasping for straws. I knew I had been hoping for this all along but two weeks before the wedding! Couldn't she have figured this out a little earlier? The invitations had been sent and airline tickets purchased by countless relatives. How was I supposed to know if this was just nerves or something more? She did not even acknowledge my comment, just continued talking. The floodgates were open and she was spilling forth.
"I have three more years of school to finish. How am I supposed to do that when I'm married and he hasn't even applied, let alone been accepted, to my school? Are we going to live apart and see each other at the end of each semester? Am I supposed to drop out of school and live with him in his mother's basement while he goes to school?"
NO, I was yelling in my head but there was no time to say anything since she was going a million miles an hour. This must have been weighing on her for awhile. Why hadn't she said something earlier? I tried to get rid of my utterly shocked look and tried to give her my most sympathetic look, although I know there was a bit of shock mixed in. I was doing my best under pressure! Why am I always the parent who has to deal with the bombs?
"He doesn't have a job and I am not sure how we are going to support ourselves. Am I going to have to start paying my own tuition for school now that I'm married?" She didn't wait for an answer. "And he wants kids!"
I had to interrupt now. "Right away?" I asked incredulously. Not that I don't want grandkids but I wanted a college graduate as well.
"Well, not right away," she conceded, "but he keeps talking about them and I'm worried. What if we get married and he changes his mind or I change my mind and then I won't be able to graduate and what do I do if sometime in the future I have to get a job and I have no schooling or work experience? I'm only nineteen," she said as she let out a small wail.
I noticed the seamstress was almost on top of us at this point so I stopped her right there. "Sally, you need to go back into that dressing room, take off this dress and then, we are going home where we will talk about this in great length, but not right now." I handed her yet another tissue.
She wiped her eyes, handed me all her dirty tissues (some things never change about being a mother no matter how old your child gets), stood up and gathered her skirt into her hands and walked back into the dressing room. I watched her go and my heart was worried that this was something her mother could not fix for her, no matter how much I wanted to. As soon as she had disappeared around the corner, a woman from the salon appeared.
"Ummm, I couldn't help overhearing a bit of the conversation and I'm sure it's just nerves," she said. She was trying to reassure me, "She'll be fine in a couple of hours, I'm sure." I was hoping she was right.
"I'm sure you must see things like this happen a lot, you know, working in a salon and what not," I rambled as I got out my credit card. The lady handed me the final bill on the dress that we loved and that looked perfect on Sally but I was beginning to wonder if it would ever be worn.
"Actually, not as much as you might think. Usually by the time they get to the final fitting, everything is a go." She must have seen my shocked look because she quickly added, "But it has happened. If she does change her mind and calls off the wedding, we can help you with storage options for the gown until she does get married." She took my credit card and left me with my thoughts..
I knew I had been telling Sally all along that she could change her mind, we could cancel the flowers, change the date, etc. but I never expected her to do it this close to the actual wedding and perhaps she wouldn't, but what if she did? What was I going to do?
Sally came out a few minutes later, at least I think it was a few minutes later. I had managed to pay the bill, sign the credit card receipt and put away my credit card but I was still reeling from Sally's pronouncement that she was not getting married. My brain was running at 110%. It was already trying to figure out what we might need to do, who we would need to call, trying to tally which family members were going to feel the most put out, even though most of me realized this was probably just cold feet. My brain just had to get started in case it was for real.
I bustled Sally out of the salon, past the stares of the sales girls and the sidelong glances of the other brides-to-be and into the car. "Okay, Sally, please tell me what's going on. What has changed? Why don't you think you can marry Peter anymore? You are a far different child than the one I remember discussing flowers and cakes and dresses with just a couple of weeks ago. All those things you listed in the salon - school, kids, money, living situation - were all problems then, so what's changed. Why can't you marry him now?"
As a response, there was silence. Sally was peering out the window. "I'm not ready to talk yet Mom."
In my mind I let out a very loud scream filled with panic and frustration. It went something like this, "AhhhhHHHhhhhhhhhHHHhhhhhhhhhh!" But I kept it all to myself and just tightened my grip on the steering wheel and kept my mouth shut.
Sally turned to look at me and my heart broke a little to see the sadness in her eyes. She continued, "When we get home, okay?"
I wanted to drill her with questions but I knew I had to be quiet. I had to wait for her to tell me what was going on because until I could understand what she was thinking and what she really wanted to do, I could not figure out what I needed to do. Did she need a cheerleader in her corner so she could get married or did she need a handler so she could escape? I didn't know which hat to put on or what to do until she could tell me more, but I was willing to do either. I could wait until we got home. I just held onto the steering wheel and drove a little bit like a madwoman on a mission.
As I careened into the driveway, I opened the garage door and drove inside. As the door closed behind me, Sally turned to me and she was abnormally calm, for her. The fact that she hadn't said anything about my driving told me she hadn't really been paying attention but rather had been working out what to tell me. She said in the most mature voice I may have ever heard from her, "Mom, I've been thinking about this for the last couple of weeks. I can't marry Peter and it's not because I don't love him because I believe I do. I think that is part of what's making this so hard. I love him and I don't want to hurt him and I know if I don't marry him right now," her voice was drifting from mature to emotional with just a tinge of hysteria, "there's a real chance he will walk away from us and I may never see him again and that hurts, a lot." The tears started and I reached across the seats to give her a sideways hug. I wanted her to know I was there for her without interrupting.
Sally leaned into the hug and then continued, "But Mom, I also can understand why he might not want anything to do with me right now since I will be calling off marrying him. That could really hurt a guy but I just know I can't marry him because it's not the right thing for me to do right now. If it was a couple of years from now, I think I would marry him without any hesitation and that's what's making this sooooo hard. He's a wonderful man. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to lose him. I just can't do this."
"Okay dear." I took a deep breath. I was trying to formulate what to say to Sally as I frantically sent prayers up above while wishing at the same time that during one of these crises, her father would actually be home to help us through them. "So you feel you can't marry him. I understand that, but is there something specific that has changed your mind. Some reason why you feel you can't marry him now that wasn't there before?" I wanted to make sure it was not cold feet that was keeping her from marrying Peter because, she is right, if she calls off this wedding it is probably the end of her and Peter. It is hard enough to make relationships work when all is going well but to make the relationship work after you have called off a wedding, just two weeks before the date, would be near impossible and that's only if Peter still wants anything to do with her after she does this.
"Mom, I was so excited when he asked me to marry him and I think I got caught up in the excitement of a wedding and love and a date every Friday night that I said yes without really thinking through the ramifications of what I was doing. I am not ready to be married to anyone at this point in my life. I realize now that you tried to talk to me about this but I was on cloud nine and you were so far away on earth that I couldn't hear you." Sally shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't want to hear you. I realize that now, now that it's a little late but it's not too late, is it Mom?"
"No dear, it's not too late. It's better you decide before the wedding that you're not ready to be married than for you to decide after the wedding. It's too late then. I guess I'm just worried now that you might regret this decision in the future, especially since you say you love Peter."
"I know Mom but I think I have to risk it. I need to grow up some more. I need to go away to school and live and grow and develop myself so that I am ready to be someone's wife when the time is right. I realize that teenagers get married all the time and that it works out for them and they ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after and I think Peter and I could do the same. I think we could find our happily ever after, if it weren't for this pit of despair in my stomach. It's telling me to walk away from what could be right now for what might be in the future and I don't know if that will have anything to do with Peter or not but I have to follow this feeling."
"Oh, I know the stomach, the pit of despair. We have been friends for some time now, remember?" I asked. I sure did remember. At the age of eight, the pit of despair in her stomach had become a family friend. Sally had been invited to a friend's party that she really wanted to attend but the pit of despair in her stomach had started right before we were to go and so she had had to skip the party. I got to call the girl's mother and explain why my daughter would not be attending at the last minute. I called her "pit" a sickness. Sally found out on Monday that everyone had gotten food poisoning and been sick all weekend and that one girl had even been hospitalized due to illness. It was the first of many times the "pit" had saved her from all kinds of problems and awkward situations. At the age of 13, she had been asked to the eighth grade graduation dance by the boy of her dreams. She said yes, but then the pit of despair in her stomach had started up again. She called him and told him she couldn't go because she was sick. She stayed home that night and ate all kinds of junk food and watched old romantic movies with her mom, instead. She found out the next day that the boy of her dreams and his dad had gotten in a serious car accident on the way to the dance and were hospitalized. I took Sally to visit the boy in the hospital and was grateful for the "pit". At the age of 17, the pit of despair in her stomach was the reason we had had to get a different prom dress three days before her senior prom, even though we had a perfectly good one she had loved in the store. It turned out that three other girls had turned up at Prom wearing that same dress that had caused the pit of despair in her stomach. That pit of despair in her stomach had kept her safe physically and socially so many times in her life that it could no longer be ignored. I just had to hope it was steering her right this time. "I just wish that pit had spoken up a little earlier."
"I know Mom. I think it was trying but I was ignoring it. But, what do I do now?" asked Sally.
"Well, I guess you have to talk to Peter."
"I know. I was hoping to maybe write him a letter and you could deliver it."
"NO! I mean no dear. That is not an acceptable way to end an engagement, especially with someone you love and care for. You need to talk to him and explain what you are thinking and feeling. He needs to know, he deserves to know and he might even have a right to be a little bit upset. He might be hurt. You're going to have to deal with all of that and explain the best you can and see what happens," I said. This parenting thing never seems to get any easier.
"I know I have to talk to him. I was just hoping maybe I could do it in a letter. It would be so much easier that way."
"It would be easier for you but not for him. You have to think of him and don't forget to give him back his ring. If the engagement is over, it must be returned to him. And the sooner you do it the better. I'm going to have to get going on cancelling everything but I'm not going to start that until you've talked to Peter."
Sally looked down at her ring. It had been a symbol of their love and their future together. If she was going to turn that all down, she had to return the ring.
"I'll talk to Peter tomorrow morning. I'm going to take tonight to figure out how to tell him and to see if the pit of despair in my stomach goes away now that I've decided to call off the wedding. And Mom, I'll make sure to give him his ring back too. Thanks for listening and for the good advice. I'm so sorry to have put you through all this stuff only to cancel everything. And the money you and Dad spent. I'm so sorry!"
"Don't worry about the money and the work that went into the wedding, just remember next time to listen better to me and that stomach of yours. I'm not sure I can go through this again!"
"I will Mom and thanks for listening and believing in me," said Sally as she reached across the car and gave me a big hug.
"I've always believed in you and I always will," I said as I hugged her back.
The next day I was sitting at the kitchen table, chewing my nails and waiting for Sally to get home. She had gone to talk to Peter over three hours ago. I had no idea how it was going to go, how he would take the news, how she was going to feel after she told Peter, how I was going to make it through the next two weeks and my nails were bearing the brunt of my anxiety. They were chewed to a nub.
I had already called Charles, who happened to be in China again. That man has impeccable timing. Although, to his credit, he was in China this week so he could be home next week, right before the big wedding, only that wasn't happening and I wanted him home now. I told him everything that was going on with Sally and what had to be done now. He talked me down off the edge, again.
I cleaned the entire house, the kitchen and even the stove in the three hours Sally had been gone and now I had to wait. I was not sure how much longer I could take this. I turned on the TV. I didn't watch anything but the noise was comforting. While I waited, I made a list of what we could cancel and what could not be cancelled and a list of everything we were going to end up with, like 12 dozen cream puffs. What were we going to do with 12 dozen cream puffs?
Finally, the door opened and in came Sally. She had Peter with her. I didn't know what to do so I stayed at the kitchen table but I made sure to turn over my list. I did not want my list to break the news to Peter in case Sally had not done the deed yet.
"Hello kids," I said.
"Hi Mom," said Sally.
"Hi Mrs. Anderson," said Peter.
Sally took hold of Peter's hand. "Mom, I told Peter."
"Great," I said but I was unsure what she had told him because it didn't look like he had just had his wedding called off. Sally was still wearing the ring. "What exactly did you tell him?" I asked. I wanted to be sure because things did not look right to me.
Peter jumped in, "She told me she's calling off the wedding and explained to me that she feels she isn't ready to make that kind of commitment to anyone. We know we still love each other so we are going to see where our relationship can go in the meantime. She's going to go back to college in the fall and I'll keep up my studies here. I have one more year to finish and we'll call each other, text each other and see each other as much as we can. When the year is up, we'll reassess."
I looked at Peter and Sally. He is taking this much better than I expected, much better than I would have taken it. I am glad. Sally seems happy again. I hadn't realized how wilted she had looked the last few weeks. I guess that stomach of hers was really giving her trouble.
"Oh!" said Sally. "I forgot to give you the ring back." She started to take the ring off.
"Sally, you don't have to do that," said Peter.
It was the right thing to say but Sally really did need to give it back. Sally struggled a little with the ring and gave me a questioning look. I shook my head, no. She could not keep the ring. If they were taking their relationship back to the dating stage, that ring needed to go back to Peter. Sally pushed her shoulders back and tugged on the ring and once it was off, she handed it to Peter. He paled noticeably and it actually made me feel better to see that this whole ordeal was not so easy for him. He was struggling with it too, but striving to make the best of the situation he had been dealt. That is an admirable quality to look for in a husband. If these two ever did make it down the aisle, I think Peter would make a wonderful husband.
"Well, Mom. Peter and I were talking about the wedding. I know everything has been arranged and paid for so we thought instead of a wedding, we could turn it into a big party. We, of course, would have to let everyone know that the wedding was off but that we would like them all to come and celebrate. We thought it could be a big celebration of life in general. No gifts and no cake. What do you think?" Sally asked.
I thought it was the craziest most awkward idea ever but I said, "Don't you think that might be a bit awkward for you and Peter, let alone the family and guests? Some of them will have traveled long distances to come for your 'wedding'."
"Mom, that's exactly why we think we should still have the party. These are the people who care about both of us enough to come see us get married. Why can't we have a party instead where we all get together and enjoy one another's company even if there is no marriage? Besides, Peter and I talked about it and we think we should tell everyone but you, Dad and Charlene that it was a mutual decision. That we decided we wanted more time before we made such a big commitment," said Sally.
Sally made it seem simple. "Peter, have you even told your mother the wedding is off, let alone asked her if she would be willing to attend such a party?"
"No, we thought we would see if you were agreeable to the idea before we break the news to my mom. We wanted to know if we should bring up the idea of the party or not," said Peter.
We, are they going together to tell Charlene. I would not want any part of that if I was Sally. "Peter, Sally, are you guys going together to tell Charlene?" I asked.
"NO!" said Sally while Peter said, "Yes."
"Uh, Peter, I don't think I want to be there when you tell your mother," said Sally.
"But I think it would be so much better if you were there to explain to her what you were feeling and why you feel we need to call off the wedding," said Peter.
I was totally keeping quiet on this one.
"But I don't think it will go over well. I can talk to you and explain to you and you get me but your mother, she scares me when she's in a good mood. How am I going to explain the pit of despair in my stomach so that your mother can understand? So that she doesn't think worse of me?" asked Sally.
I am glad she told Peter about her pit since it will be a part of their lives.
"But she loves you Sally. She'll understand."
"She loved me when she thought I was marrying you but once I tell her I want to call it off, I'm not sure what she may think of me or what she might say to me. I think you'd better tell her yourself."
"But -"
I cut in. "Sorry to have brought it up. You guys can figure out how you are going to tell Charlene after I leave the room, but I think the party is fine, if it's what you want to do and Charlene agrees to it. It would be fun to hang out with the family and friends that were planning on being here for the wedding and besides, it means I won't need to figure out what to do with 12 dozen cream puffs. However, you two need to make sure your story is the same as to why you called off the wedding and you are both responsible for making sure every single guest gets contacted personally this week and told exactly what is happening."
"We can do that Mrs. Anderson," said Peter.
He really is a nice boy.
"Okay, I guess we're having a celebration of life party next week. I'm not even sure what that means but I'm sure if we can get past all the awkwardness of the situation, it will be fun. Sally, I'll let your father know and Peter, tell your Mom to call me tomorrow and we'll work out the details."
"Thanks Mom!"
"Thanks Mrs. Anderson!"
And with that, I made my grand exit to let them figure out who was going to tell Charlene. I was glad it was not me.
Charlene actually took the news better than expected. She even confided in me she was a bit relieved they called off the wedding. She wished they had decided a little earlier and I could not have agreed with her more. It turns out she had married at a young age and she believed it was one of the things that led to her divorce. Of course, Sally and Peter were not Peter's parents and Sally was not Charlene but, all things considered, calling off the wedding was working out as well as it could.
Peter and Sally seemed fine. The phone calls were a bit difficult to make but I think it got a little easier with each call. I know it helped Sally that she was able to tell everyone it was a mutual decision. They let everyone know that they had decided to date and see where things go in the future but that they wanted to celebrate life and everyone they knew so they were still having a party. Most of the guests were still expected to attend. All of our family, and most of Peter's, were still flying in and some were even excited about the party. I was still on the fence. It seemed like everything was going to work out fine but given the circumstances, it would still be very awkward.
I spent the week before the party finalizing all the details and making sure the vendors knew it was no longer a wedding but just a party. They all seemed fine with it. As long as they got paid, I think they did not care what kind of party it was. The wedding cake was a bit tricky since I still had to pay for it but the kids did not want it at the party. I did not want all that money to go to waste so I found a local homeless shelter that could take the cake as a donation. The homeless shelter decided to have a big birthday party with it so I had the bakery put Happy Birthday on the cake instead of wedding flowers and set up delivery. One thing more was crossed off my list.
Charles was home all week and was a great help. He called, he delivered, he cleaned house and he picked up guests at the airport. Our house was full of family and everyone was happy to be together. Since our families rarely get together, it was a big deal to have most all of us together. We stayed up late chatting and enjoying each other's company. The day of the party, the day that was supposed to be Sally's wedding day, I slept in and enjoyed it. Everything had been scheduled, programmed and figured out for the big party that night. It was a nice beginning to a day I had been dreading, then anticipating and then dreading once again but it looked like everything was going to turn out okay.
I turned over and looked at Charles. He was in his not really asleep but not really awake mode. I smiled at him and he gave me a half smile back. He was still waking up.
"Charles, did you think four months ago we would be waking up to this today?" I asked.
"Never in a million years," he mumbled.
"I know this is crazy, but a part of me is a little sad she isn't getting married."
"I know dear," said Charles.
"What do you mean, you know?" I asked, surprised. I mean, I knew we both thought they were crazy to get married and wanted them to realize it and call it off but now that they were, why was I a little sad and how did Charles know it.
"I mean I know you. I knew you'd be a little sad, even though we all agree this is probably the best solution. I mean, who would have thought they would stay friends let alone in a relationship after something like this but they did and they are happy, only now, you've put all your energy and time and creative juices into making a wedding possible that is not going to happen. It's a little sad to see something you've worked so hard for never come to pass, at least not as originally planned. I think this party is going to be the best one you've ever thrown."
"Well, it's at least going to be the only party that ever started out as a wedding but ended up as a party, I hope. I think the next time Sally decides to get married, perhaps we should suggest she elope. I'm not sure I can go through this again," I replied.
"If Sally ends up marrying Peter sometime in the far distant future, they are going to have to elope and then we'll throw them a Just Married party afterwards because none of our friends and family are going to commit to another wedding with those two involved!" said Charles and he was right.
"Amen to that, dear. I guess we'd better get up and get going," I said as I got out of bed.
We spent the day bustling around town, helping our family members see the sights and finishing up the last minute details. There really wasn't that much to do and somehow, I was not stressed. I should have been seeing as how I was a mother of a bride to be that hadn't been but who was still throwing a party for all those wedding invitees with the potential for awkwardness at about 99.9%. It was taken as a gift from heaven.
The party was a huge success. Peter and Sally mingled with the guests, holding hands and looking super cute. They did their best to get rid of any awkwardness but there was still some given the situation. The guests mingled, they danced, they ate and they gossiped. It was life.
Aunt Melissa, my father's older sister who is well known for her strong opinions, her forceful personality (never considered pushy unless you are not family) and her loud voice, was the first that night, to question what was going on. I was chatting with Aunt Grace, my father's other sister, when we overheard her talking to family members at her table, three tables over. She is half deaf so most of the people in attendance heard her.
"Can you believe these young people? I don't know what Sally was thinking! What do they mean calling off a wedding so close to the wedding date? What is this party supposed to be about? What is a celebration of life party anyway? Isn't everyday a celebration of life? And why are these two people still together? Either get together and get married or split up and find someone you do want to marry!" said Aunt Melissa.
These were the questions most of us were thinking and wondering about. Most of the guests had stopped to listen to Aunt Melissa. Even Peter and Sally had stopped chatting and were looking at one another, wondering what to do. I was wondering too. It was awkward and that was the one thing I was trying to avoid. Our friends and family members were here to support us and the one thing I did not want the party to become was so awkward that everyone wanted to escape.
Just then the DJ started up the music. I looked at my watch and it was too early, but a welcome distraction and I let out a sigh of relief. I looked over at the DJ and there was Charles, chatting with the DJ and looking my way. He winked at me (my husband, not the DJ) and I was grateful again for Charles. He may be in China a lot but he comes through when I need him. I hustled over to Peter and Sally and told them to dance. It was not negotiable. I motioned to my brother and his wife and a couple of other friends and they all made their way to the dance floor. Soon everyone was dancing. Charles came over, swooped me up in his arms and told me he was going to dance the night away with me. I let him.
That night, as I was getting ready for bed I had to admit that Aunt Melissa had some valid points. I did not understand any better than she did this crazy situation Sally and Peter found themselves. I wish I did. I wish I had the answers to Aunt Melissa's questions and a few of my own, for both her sake and mine, but I did not. Sally and Peter were going to have to work it out and as Sally's parents, we would support her when and how we could. However, if they decided to get married, again, I was insisting on a Vegas wedding. Some things should just not be repeated!
I was lying in bed reading a nice little romance about a boy and a girl, said boy woos girl, there's a few mishaps, boy and girl fall in love, boy asks girl to marry him and they live happily ever after. You know the kind of novel. You've read them. You've enjoyed them. They're like candy for the reading soul. I was enjoying my candy when my nineteen year old daughter, Sally, came into my room and sat on the edge of my bed. It was one of the good parts so I gave her the one minute signal and made her wait before I gave her my full attention. My children know that sometimes good parts of a book cannot wait. She sat there patiently while said boy rescued the damsel in distress and received a kiss on the cheek for his harrowing adventure.
I looked up from my fabulous adventures of the book world and into the very excited eyes of my daughter. She was just back from a date with her latest boyfriend. I think she was on her fourth in as many months. She was young, she was happy and so was I.
"So, how was the date?" I asked.
"Mom, it was wonderful," she gushed.
"I'm so glad. What did you do?" I asked, trying to be the ever dutiful mother since I really just wanted to get back to my romance, finish it up and go to sleep. I hoped I was going to get the short version.
"We went ice skating at the indoor rink. It was wonderful! He's such a good skater. I kept up even though it's been years since I went skating. Then, he took me on a picnic at Cascade park. We sat up by the toys where there's a little more light. It was wonderful."
I interrupted, "Weren't you cold? It's January, not exactly picnic weather."
"Mooooom, I was fine. We played on the toys and swung in the swings and then sat and had our picnic. At the end of the picnic, we went back to the swings and he asked me to marry him and I said yes!" She was almost screaming with excitement by the end of her statement.
I was almost screaming too, but for a completely different reason. I knew I had to keep my calm. "Did you just say you got engaged?"
"YES! It was the most romantic thing and I totally wasn't expecting it but I know I love him Mom so I said yes."
You loved the last three boyfriends too at this point in your relationship, was my first thought, but luckily I didn't say that. "Okay, tell me what happened Sally, dear," I said as calmly as I could. Crazy yelling screaming, which I wanted to do, never goes over well.
Both of our hearts were racing at this point; hers from her love induced euphoria and mine from shock.
"Well, after we ate we went swinging on the swings again. Peter had gotten kind of quiet so I was thinking how much fun this date had been with all the exciting things we had done when suddenly Peter looked over at me. He said he knew we hadn't been dating very long..."
I know, it's only been 3 weeks, I thought.
"...but he knew he loved me. It was amazing to hear that..."
Who doesn't like to be told they are loved and yes, it is amazing, I thought.
"...and then he told me how wonderful he thought I was and how beautiful I was...."
At the very least, he knows the right things to say.
"... and then he jumped out of the swing and walked over to me. I'd kind of stopped swinging by then. He took my hand and got down on one knee but he was so low down because of the dip under the swing that I jumped out of the swing. He said he'd be the happiest man on this earth forever if I would marry him. I looked down at that amazing man..."
He's only 21. He's barely more than a boy, but I guess it's all relative.
"...and I knew I loved him so I said yes!" she yelled the last bit she was so excited. I wanted to yell myself, but from a different kind of excitement. I took a few breaths. What do I say to my daughter? I can't tell her what I want to say, which is you are crazy! You barely know the boy. We barely know the boy and we don't even know his family. You can't risk your entire life's happiness on one night of wonderful, romantic magic! I think the power from above was helping me that night because I knew those were not the right words and I actually refrained from saying them. I didn't want to lose her because of her idiocy or mine.
"Well," I said and took a deep breath and asked for a little more help from above, "that's very exciting and very surprising. I wasn't expecting something like this so soon."
"Neither was I Mom, but it was just so wonderful and he's so wonderful and everything is so wonderful!"
"I'm glad it's all so wonderful but are you sure this is what you want? What about college? You were only supposed to be taking a semester off," I asked. I thought it better to wonder about college than to wonder about the marriage.
"Oh, he says he totally supports me going back to college. We'll go to school together. If he can't get into my school, he says he'll go to the local community college there. He's really thought of everything Mom."
Yeah right. He's 21, I thought but I said, "Yes, I suppose he has. Well, since he's thought of everything, do you have a date?"
"Well, he thought we should talk to our parents and find out what days would work but we'd like to be married in June."
"JUNE?" I asked incredulously and with a little more force than I wanted to but really, four months from now, what was the rush. I knew she couldn't be pregnant since they hadn't been dating long enough. "Why so fast?"
"Well, it's kind of silly Mom, but remember the musical Seven Brides for Seven Brothers we used to watch a lot when I was younger. You remember, right?"
I nodded. Of course I remembered. I loved that musical and still watched it a lot. She just stopped watching it with me because she was soooo busy.
"Well there's that song in there that says "When you marry in June you're a bride all your life" and so when Peter asked me what month I'd like to get married in I said June."
Crap! Why did I ever let her watch that evil musical? This June wedding was my fault, but maybe I could salvage it. "If it's June you want to get married in, then how about a year from June? It would give you and Peter more time to get to know each other, you could get another year of school done and it would give us more time to plan a wedding."
"Peter said the same thing but I insisted this June. It just seems right and I don't need a big wedding. We could have something small with just family and a few friends."
She insisted on this June? This isn't going to go well. She never listens to her father or I once she gets an idea into her head. I remember the time she was 12 and insisted on going to a party that her father and I knew would not be a good idea so we told her she could not go. She went to her room to sulk and unbeknownst to us, climbed out of her second story window and tried to shimmy down the drainpipe only to end up falling most of the way, breaking her fall with her arm and crawling in the front door with a broken arm. We spent the rest of that Saturday night in the emergency room.
I'm going to have to tread lightly with this one or she may drag poor Peter along behind her as she rides off into the Vegas sunset and we will not be invited. There is still time to figure out the best way to express my concerns without pushing her away but I am going to need her father for this. "Okay, give me a few days to get adjusted to this idea and you still have to tell your father. He's on his business trip in China you know?"
She looked at me as if I'd lost my mind and I felt like I had and, somehow, a daughter too.
"Mom, I know dad's in China. I haven't forgotten everything in the last couple of hours. I was hoping you could tell him before he gets back. You talk to him every morning, right?"
"Oh no, dear, I'm not telling him this. You're on your own with this one," I said, but I knew I'd be on the other line of the phone listening into this conversation.
"Mom, perhaps you could just get him prepared for this news?" she asked.
"I could probably do that, but you have to tell him," I replied. He was going to need some forewarning. Heaven knows I would have appreciated it!
"Okay Mom, I'll let you talk to him tomorrow morning and then I'll call him tomorrow night and tell him. He should be awake then, right?"
"Yes," I said, but I wondered if he'd even be able to sleep after I had prepped him and how was I going to prep him without breaking the news. It would be a delicate operation.
"Well Mom, I'm off to bed. I'm tired and there's a lot to do tomorrow."
"Good night sweetheart and congratulations. It's a very exciting thing," and it was, for her, but not so much for me.
She ran off to bed and I looked down at the romance book in my hand. I closed the book and knew it would be a long time before I read another fluffy romance. There was obviously too much romance floating around this house already!
Her father, Charles, took the news as well as could be expected. I prepped him the best I could. I think he was actually relieved it was only a marriage we were dealing with by the time I got done "prepping" him. He knew we had to be on board with this wedding if we didn't want to lose our little girl. We had too many experiences during her teenage years to look back on to know she would do this with or without us. She'd inherited a lot of stubbornness from us. I liked to tease her father that it came from his side of the family but we both knew the truth, it came from both sides. We knew if we pushed too hard against the marriage that she would do it out of spite, just to prove she was adult enough to make her own decisions. We had to be silent objectors and hope for the best.
I mean, had it been five years down the road I would have totally been on board, she was just sooooo young but it was her life and she had chosen to do this. I wanted to support her but at the same time I also wanted her to know it was never too late to change her mind and delay this wedding for a year or four! It was a delicate line to tread. I often would throw into our conversations that we could still change the date or cancel the flowers, you know, if you changed your mind or anything but she hadn't and we were down to the last two weeks before the wedding. All thoughts of cancellation were in the past. It was crunch time. It was go time.
I couldn't complain, everything had come together nicely. Peter's mother, Charlene, had been a great help. I'd gotten to know her pretty well as we discussed wedding preparations. She was a nice woman. I knew we wouldn't be lifelong besties or anything, but family events would be cordial. Besides, she was very efficient and organized which had helped immeasurable with the wedding prep. The location was scheduled, the invitations were sent, the food and flowers ordered and the dress, we only had the final fitting to go. We were headed there right now.
I looked over at Sally who was unusually quiet. I suppose the weight of the wedding was getting to her. She was looking out the window and seemed to be quietly meditating. She hadn't even turned on any music in the car. There were a lot of things for her to contemplate right now with all the changes about to happen in her life. The carefree days of her teenage years would soon be gone. She was about to turn twenty, get married, and start a new life with someone else. There would be new responsibilities and someone else to be responsible to and for. It was hard to see her go but Peter was a nice man; I just hadn't been prepared to let her go so early. I could feel the tears starting. I needed a new train of thought or I'd be crying before we even got to the wedding salon, let alone the dress fitting.
"Sally, what else do you have on your list for us to do?" I asked. I had asked her to come up with a list of things she felt we needed to finish before the wedding. I kept my own mental list of add ons to her list.
"I'm not sure Mom. I haven't looked at it today. I can check it when we get home," she replied.
"Don't you have it on your phone? Why don't you pull up the list and we can talk about what else we need to do after this fitting. The time will be here before you know it," I replied. I needed a distraction and it seemed like she did too.
"I don't really feel like it right now. I just want to think."
"Okay dear, but I'm going to turn on the music," I said. I needed a distraction. I kept seeing my little five year old sitting in the seat beside me talking about her first day of school or the day Sally made her middle school volleyball team or the first time we went out selling girl scout cookies in her little daisy uniform. Memory lane was getting to me today and I needed a distraction. I put on my CD of oldies but goodies. You can't beat the music of the fifties and sixties is what I always say. We listened in silence until I started singing along. We made it through three songs and then "Chapel of Love" came on. I was gearing up to belt out the chorus but all I got out was "Going to the chapel and we're" before Sally reached over and turned it off. I looked over at her, confused, but she just looked out the window.
"Sorry Mom, I just need it quiet right now, besides, we're almost at the shop," Sally said and she was right, we were, but still that was weird. I pulled into the parking lot and parked the car. I decided we just needed to enjoy the dress experience and I would talk to Sally on the way home.
Once we got in the shop they bustled Sally off to the dressing room areas and I settled down on a very uncomfortable settee with a bottle of water to wait. I knew the drill. This was our third and final fitting. From previous experience, I knew I had about fifteen minutes to waste until Sally came out. I looked around at the two other brides in the room showing off their latest selections to their moms and girlfriends for their opinions. One group looked to be in tears so they must have either found the dress or were beyond frustration at this point. We'd almost gotten to tears of frustration, instead of joy, because Sally refused to try on the dress I had suggested the moment we came in the salon.
Sally immediately disliked the dress the moment she saw it on the mannequin and probably liked it even less when I suggested she try it on, but two and a half hours and ten dresses later, she was willing to put it on. She loved it the moment she saw herself in the mirror and was willing to concede, after a little hemming and hawing, that I had been right.
I had just loved the dress! It was perfect and I was glad we had found the dress on the first day out since we only had a short time to find a dress. We rush ordered it and the alterations were done over the last three weeks. I was thrilled at how wonderfully everything was turning out.
I looked across the salon again and the mom or grandma was giving the bride-to-be a hug so I hoped it was joy they were experiencing but I didn't have any more time to watch the encounter as Sally was coming right towards me. She was beautiful. I could feel the tears starting.
"Oh Sally," I gushed, "You look amazing! I love it! How do you feel?"
"Fine Mom, I guess. I don't know," she replied. She was playing with the folds of the dress.
"What do you mean you don't know? Is something not fitting right? Is it bothering you? What's the problem?"
"I don't know Mom," she said and that's when she started blubbering, then crying and it quickly turned into sobs before I could even jump up to give her a hug. I realized she must be overwhelmed with all this wedding stuff and it seemed to be hitting her all right at this moment when she was seeing herself in her wedding dress.
"It's okay Sally. We can fix the dress. What do you want us to do?" I patted Sally on the back and looked at the seamstress for acknowledgment that everything could be adjusted on the dress. The seamstress stood to the side looking slightly bored. I think this might happen quite often around here. "What's wrong honey? The dress can be fixed," I reiterated forcefully. I wanted her to know, I needed her to know, we could fix the dress. It was going to be okay.
"Mom, it's not the dress," she wailed. Everyone in the salon turned to look at us, even the seamstress started to look interested.
I led Sally to the settee and made her sit down. Her dress puffed up so much around her there wasn't room for me but I just picked up the dress and shimmied in as best I could. I sat right next to Sally and put my arm around her shoulder. "Dear, if it's not the dress, what is it?"
"I don't think I can marry Peter."
She dropped the bomb on me and I felt like it exploded in my lap. Perhaps it was just nerves, cold feet. The wedding was coming quickly.
"Dear, a lot of people get cold feet right before the wedding. Are you sure it's not just cold feet? Nerves?" I asked. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the seamstress getting closer to us. I guess she didn't see this happen every day.
"Mom, I feel like I have a pit of despair in my stomach. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I am having a hard time talking to Peter and I feel like the world is closing in on me. Right now, I'm not sure what I was thinking four months ago. I'm only nineteen."
Ahhhhhhh! Not the pit of despair! I interrupted, "You'll be twenty in one month." I guess I thought that might be helpful. I was grasping for straws. I knew I had been hoping for this all along but two weeks before the wedding! Couldn't she have figured this out a little earlier? The invitations had been sent and airline tickets purchased by countless relatives. How was I supposed to know if this was just nerves or something more? She did not even acknowledge my comment, just continued talking. The floodgates were open and she was spilling forth.
"I have three more years of school to finish. How am I supposed to do that when I'm married and he hasn't even applied, let alone been accepted, to my school? Are we going to live apart and see each other at the end of each semester? Am I supposed to drop out of school and live with him in his mother's basement while he goes to school?"
NO, I was yelling in my head but there was no time to say anything since she was going a million miles an hour. This must have been weighing on her for awhile. Why hadn't she said something earlier? I tried to get rid of my utterly shocked look and tried to give her my most sympathetic look, although I know there was a bit of shock mixed in. I was doing my best under pressure! Why am I always the parent who has to deal with the bombs?
"He doesn't have a job and I am not sure how we are going to support ourselves. Am I going to have to start paying my own tuition for school now that I'm married?" She didn't wait for an answer. "And he wants kids!"
I had to interrupt now. "Right away?" I asked incredulously. Not that I don't want grandkids but I wanted a college graduate as well.
"Well, not right away," she conceded, "but he keeps talking about them and I'm worried. What if we get married and he changes his mind or I change my mind and then I won't be able to graduate and what do I do if sometime in the future I have to get a job and I have no schooling or work experience? I'm only nineteen," she said as she let out a small wail.
I noticed the seamstress was almost on top of us at this point so I stopped her right there. "Sally, you need to go back into that dressing room, take off this dress and then, we are going home where we will talk about this in great length, but not right now." I handed her yet another tissue.
She wiped her eyes, handed me all her dirty tissues (some things never change about being a mother no matter how old your child gets), stood up and gathered her skirt into her hands and walked back into the dressing room. I watched her go and my heart was worried that this was something her mother could not fix for her, no matter how much I wanted to. As soon as she had disappeared around the corner, a woman from the salon appeared.
"Ummm, I couldn't help overhearing a bit of the conversation and I'm sure it's just nerves," she said. She was trying to reassure me, "She'll be fine in a couple of hours, I'm sure." I was hoping she was right.
"I'm sure you must see things like this happen a lot, you know, working in a salon and what not," I rambled as I got out my credit card. The lady handed me the final bill on the dress that we loved and that looked perfect on Sally but I was beginning to wonder if it would ever be worn.
"Actually, not as much as you might think. Usually by the time they get to the final fitting, everything is a go." She must have seen my shocked look because she quickly added, "But it has happened. If she does change her mind and calls off the wedding, we can help you with storage options for the gown until she does get married." She took my credit card and left me with my thoughts..
I knew I had been telling Sally all along that she could change her mind, we could cancel the flowers, change the date, etc. but I never expected her to do it this close to the actual wedding and perhaps she wouldn't, but what if she did? What was I going to do?
Sally came out a few minutes later, at least I think it was a few minutes later. I had managed to pay the bill, sign the credit card receipt and put away my credit card but I was still reeling from Sally's pronouncement that she was not getting married. My brain was running at 110%. It was already trying to figure out what we might need to do, who we would need to call, trying to tally which family members were going to feel the most put out, even though most of me realized this was probably just cold feet. My brain just had to get started in case it was for real.
I bustled Sally out of the salon, past the stares of the sales girls and the sidelong glances of the other brides-to-be and into the car. "Okay, Sally, please tell me what's going on. What has changed? Why don't you think you can marry Peter anymore? You are a far different child than the one I remember discussing flowers and cakes and dresses with just a couple of weeks ago. All those things you listed in the salon - school, kids, money, living situation - were all problems then, so what's changed. Why can't you marry him now?"
As a response, there was silence. Sally was peering out the window. "I'm not ready to talk yet Mom."
In my mind I let out a very loud scream filled with panic and frustration. It went something like this, "AhhhhHHHhhhhhhhhHHHhhhhhhhhhh!" But I kept it all to myself and just tightened my grip on the steering wheel and kept my mouth shut.
Sally turned to look at me and my heart broke a little to see the sadness in her eyes. She continued, "When we get home, okay?"
I wanted to drill her with questions but I knew I had to be quiet. I had to wait for her to tell me what was going on because until I could understand what she was thinking and what she really wanted to do, I could not figure out what I needed to do. Did she need a cheerleader in her corner so she could get married or did she need a handler so she could escape? I didn't know which hat to put on or what to do until she could tell me more, but I was willing to do either. I could wait until we got home. I just held onto the steering wheel and drove a little bit like a madwoman on a mission.
As I careened into the driveway, I opened the garage door and drove inside. As the door closed behind me, Sally turned to me and she was abnormally calm, for her. The fact that she hadn't said anything about my driving told me she hadn't really been paying attention but rather had been working out what to tell me. She said in the most mature voice I may have ever heard from her, "Mom, I've been thinking about this for the last couple of weeks. I can't marry Peter and it's not because I don't love him because I believe I do. I think that is part of what's making this so hard. I love him and I don't want to hurt him and I know if I don't marry him right now," her voice was drifting from mature to emotional with just a tinge of hysteria, "there's a real chance he will walk away from us and I may never see him again and that hurts, a lot." The tears started and I reached across the seats to give her a sideways hug. I wanted her to know I was there for her without interrupting.
Sally leaned into the hug and then continued, "But Mom, I also can understand why he might not want anything to do with me right now since I will be calling off marrying him. That could really hurt a guy but I just know I can't marry him because it's not the right thing for me to do right now. If it was a couple of years from now, I think I would marry him without any hesitation and that's what's making this sooooo hard. He's a wonderful man. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to lose him. I just can't do this."
"Okay dear." I took a deep breath. I was trying to formulate what to say to Sally as I frantically sent prayers up above while wishing at the same time that during one of these crises, her father would actually be home to help us through them. "So you feel you can't marry him. I understand that, but is there something specific that has changed your mind. Some reason why you feel you can't marry him now that wasn't there before?" I wanted to make sure it was not cold feet that was keeping her from marrying Peter because, she is right, if she calls off this wedding it is probably the end of her and Peter. It is hard enough to make relationships work when all is going well but to make the relationship work after you have called off a wedding, just two weeks before the date, would be near impossible and that's only if Peter still wants anything to do with her after she does this.
"Mom, I was so excited when he asked me to marry him and I think I got caught up in the excitement of a wedding and love and a date every Friday night that I said yes without really thinking through the ramifications of what I was doing. I am not ready to be married to anyone at this point in my life. I realize now that you tried to talk to me about this but I was on cloud nine and you were so far away on earth that I couldn't hear you." Sally shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't want to hear you. I realize that now, now that it's a little late but it's not too late, is it Mom?"
"No dear, it's not too late. It's better you decide before the wedding that you're not ready to be married than for you to decide after the wedding. It's too late then. I guess I'm just worried now that you might regret this decision in the future, especially since you say you love Peter."
"I know Mom but I think I have to risk it. I need to grow up some more. I need to go away to school and live and grow and develop myself so that I am ready to be someone's wife when the time is right. I realize that teenagers get married all the time and that it works out for them and they ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after and I think Peter and I could do the same. I think we could find our happily ever after, if it weren't for this pit of despair in my stomach. It's telling me to walk away from what could be right now for what might be in the future and I don't know if that will have anything to do with Peter or not but I have to follow this feeling."
"Oh, I know the stomach, the pit of despair. We have been friends for some time now, remember?" I asked. I sure did remember. At the age of eight, the pit of despair in her stomach had become a family friend. Sally had been invited to a friend's party that she really wanted to attend but the pit of despair in her stomach had started right before we were to go and so she had had to skip the party. I got to call the girl's mother and explain why my daughter would not be attending at the last minute. I called her "pit" a sickness. Sally found out on Monday that everyone had gotten food poisoning and been sick all weekend and that one girl had even been hospitalized due to illness. It was the first of many times the "pit" had saved her from all kinds of problems and awkward situations. At the age of 13, she had been asked to the eighth grade graduation dance by the boy of her dreams. She said yes, but then the pit of despair in her stomach had started up again. She called him and told him she couldn't go because she was sick. She stayed home that night and ate all kinds of junk food and watched old romantic movies with her mom, instead. She found out the next day that the boy of her dreams and his dad had gotten in a serious car accident on the way to the dance and were hospitalized. I took Sally to visit the boy in the hospital and was grateful for the "pit". At the age of 17, the pit of despair in her stomach was the reason we had had to get a different prom dress three days before her senior prom, even though we had a perfectly good one she had loved in the store. It turned out that three other girls had turned up at Prom wearing that same dress that had caused the pit of despair in her stomach. That pit of despair in her stomach had kept her safe physically and socially so many times in her life that it could no longer be ignored. I just had to hope it was steering her right this time. "I just wish that pit had spoken up a little earlier."
"I know Mom. I think it was trying but I was ignoring it. But, what do I do now?" asked Sally.
"Well, I guess you have to talk to Peter."
"I know. I was hoping to maybe write him a letter and you could deliver it."
"NO! I mean no dear. That is not an acceptable way to end an engagement, especially with someone you love and care for. You need to talk to him and explain what you are thinking and feeling. He needs to know, he deserves to know and he might even have a right to be a little bit upset. He might be hurt. You're going to have to deal with all of that and explain the best you can and see what happens," I said. This parenting thing never seems to get any easier.
"I know I have to talk to him. I was just hoping maybe I could do it in a letter. It would be so much easier that way."
"It would be easier for you but not for him. You have to think of him and don't forget to give him back his ring. If the engagement is over, it must be returned to him. And the sooner you do it the better. I'm going to have to get going on cancelling everything but I'm not going to start that until you've talked to Peter."
Sally looked down at her ring. It had been a symbol of their love and their future together. If she was going to turn that all down, she had to return the ring.
"I'll talk to Peter tomorrow morning. I'm going to take tonight to figure out how to tell him and to see if the pit of despair in my stomach goes away now that I've decided to call off the wedding. And Mom, I'll make sure to give him his ring back too. Thanks for listening and for the good advice. I'm so sorry to have put you through all this stuff only to cancel everything. And the money you and Dad spent. I'm so sorry!"
"Don't worry about the money and the work that went into the wedding, just remember next time to listen better to me and that stomach of yours. I'm not sure I can go through this again!"
"I will Mom and thanks for listening and believing in me," said Sally as she reached across the car and gave me a big hug.
"I've always believed in you and I always will," I said as I hugged her back.
The next day I was sitting at the kitchen table, chewing my nails and waiting for Sally to get home. She had gone to talk to Peter over three hours ago. I had no idea how it was going to go, how he would take the news, how she was going to feel after she told Peter, how I was going to make it through the next two weeks and my nails were bearing the brunt of my anxiety. They were chewed to a nub.
I had already called Charles, who happened to be in China again. That man has impeccable timing. Although, to his credit, he was in China this week so he could be home next week, right before the big wedding, only that wasn't happening and I wanted him home now. I told him everything that was going on with Sally and what had to be done now. He talked me down off the edge, again.
I cleaned the entire house, the kitchen and even the stove in the three hours Sally had been gone and now I had to wait. I was not sure how much longer I could take this. I turned on the TV. I didn't watch anything but the noise was comforting. While I waited, I made a list of what we could cancel and what could not be cancelled and a list of everything we were going to end up with, like 12 dozen cream puffs. What were we going to do with 12 dozen cream puffs?
Finally, the door opened and in came Sally. She had Peter with her. I didn't know what to do so I stayed at the kitchen table but I made sure to turn over my list. I did not want my list to break the news to Peter in case Sally had not done the deed yet.
"Hello kids," I said.
"Hi Mom," said Sally.
"Hi Mrs. Anderson," said Peter.
Sally took hold of Peter's hand. "Mom, I told Peter."
"Great," I said but I was unsure what she had told him because it didn't look like he had just had his wedding called off. Sally was still wearing the ring. "What exactly did you tell him?" I asked. I wanted to be sure because things did not look right to me.
Peter jumped in, "She told me she's calling off the wedding and explained to me that she feels she isn't ready to make that kind of commitment to anyone. We know we still love each other so we are going to see where our relationship can go in the meantime. She's going to go back to college in the fall and I'll keep up my studies here. I have one more year to finish and we'll call each other, text each other and see each other as much as we can. When the year is up, we'll reassess."
I looked at Peter and Sally. He is taking this much better than I expected, much better than I would have taken it. I am glad. Sally seems happy again. I hadn't realized how wilted she had looked the last few weeks. I guess that stomach of hers was really giving her trouble.
"Oh!" said Sally. "I forgot to give you the ring back." She started to take the ring off.
"Sally, you don't have to do that," said Peter.
It was the right thing to say but Sally really did need to give it back. Sally struggled a little with the ring and gave me a questioning look. I shook my head, no. She could not keep the ring. If they were taking their relationship back to the dating stage, that ring needed to go back to Peter. Sally pushed her shoulders back and tugged on the ring and once it was off, she handed it to Peter. He paled noticeably and it actually made me feel better to see that this whole ordeal was not so easy for him. He was struggling with it too, but striving to make the best of the situation he had been dealt. That is an admirable quality to look for in a husband. If these two ever did make it down the aisle, I think Peter would make a wonderful husband.
"Well, Mom. Peter and I were talking about the wedding. I know everything has been arranged and paid for so we thought instead of a wedding, we could turn it into a big party. We, of course, would have to let everyone know that the wedding was off but that we would like them all to come and celebrate. We thought it could be a big celebration of life in general. No gifts and no cake. What do you think?" Sally asked.
I thought it was the craziest most awkward idea ever but I said, "Don't you think that might be a bit awkward for you and Peter, let alone the family and guests? Some of them will have traveled long distances to come for your 'wedding'."
"Mom, that's exactly why we think we should still have the party. These are the people who care about both of us enough to come see us get married. Why can't we have a party instead where we all get together and enjoy one another's company even if there is no marriage? Besides, Peter and I talked about it and we think we should tell everyone but you, Dad and Charlene that it was a mutual decision. That we decided we wanted more time before we made such a big commitment," said Sally.
Sally made it seem simple. "Peter, have you even told your mother the wedding is off, let alone asked her if she would be willing to attend such a party?"
"No, we thought we would see if you were agreeable to the idea before we break the news to my mom. We wanted to know if we should bring up the idea of the party or not," said Peter.
We, are they going together to tell Charlene. I would not want any part of that if I was Sally. "Peter, Sally, are you guys going together to tell Charlene?" I asked.
"NO!" said Sally while Peter said, "Yes."
"Uh, Peter, I don't think I want to be there when you tell your mother," said Sally.
"But I think it would be so much better if you were there to explain to her what you were feeling and why you feel we need to call off the wedding," said Peter.
I was totally keeping quiet on this one.
"But I don't think it will go over well. I can talk to you and explain to you and you get me but your mother, she scares me when she's in a good mood. How am I going to explain the pit of despair in my stomach so that your mother can understand? So that she doesn't think worse of me?" asked Sally.
I am glad she told Peter about her pit since it will be a part of their lives.
"But she loves you Sally. She'll understand."
"She loved me when she thought I was marrying you but once I tell her I want to call it off, I'm not sure what she may think of me or what she might say to me. I think you'd better tell her yourself."
"But -"
I cut in. "Sorry to have brought it up. You guys can figure out how you are going to tell Charlene after I leave the room, but I think the party is fine, if it's what you want to do and Charlene agrees to it. It would be fun to hang out with the family and friends that were planning on being here for the wedding and besides, it means I won't need to figure out what to do with 12 dozen cream puffs. However, you two need to make sure your story is the same as to why you called off the wedding and you are both responsible for making sure every single guest gets contacted personally this week and told exactly what is happening."
"We can do that Mrs. Anderson," said Peter.
He really is a nice boy.
"Okay, I guess we're having a celebration of life party next week. I'm not even sure what that means but I'm sure if we can get past all the awkwardness of the situation, it will be fun. Sally, I'll let your father know and Peter, tell your Mom to call me tomorrow and we'll work out the details."
"Thanks Mom!"
"Thanks Mrs. Anderson!"
And with that, I made my grand exit to let them figure out who was going to tell Charlene. I was glad it was not me.
Charlene actually took the news better than expected. She even confided in me she was a bit relieved they called off the wedding. She wished they had decided a little earlier and I could not have agreed with her more. It turns out she had married at a young age and she believed it was one of the things that led to her divorce. Of course, Sally and Peter were not Peter's parents and Sally was not Charlene but, all things considered, calling off the wedding was working out as well as it could.
Peter and Sally seemed fine. The phone calls were a bit difficult to make but I think it got a little easier with each call. I know it helped Sally that she was able to tell everyone it was a mutual decision. They let everyone know that they had decided to date and see where things go in the future but that they wanted to celebrate life and everyone they knew so they were still having a party. Most of the guests were still expected to attend. All of our family, and most of Peter's, were still flying in and some were even excited about the party. I was still on the fence. It seemed like everything was going to work out fine but given the circumstances, it would still be very awkward.
I spent the week before the party finalizing all the details and making sure the vendors knew it was no longer a wedding but just a party. They all seemed fine with it. As long as they got paid, I think they did not care what kind of party it was. The wedding cake was a bit tricky since I still had to pay for it but the kids did not want it at the party. I did not want all that money to go to waste so I found a local homeless shelter that could take the cake as a donation. The homeless shelter decided to have a big birthday party with it so I had the bakery put Happy Birthday on the cake instead of wedding flowers and set up delivery. One thing more was crossed off my list.
Charles was home all week and was a great help. He called, he delivered, he cleaned house and he picked up guests at the airport. Our house was full of family and everyone was happy to be together. Since our families rarely get together, it was a big deal to have most all of us together. We stayed up late chatting and enjoying each other's company. The day of the party, the day that was supposed to be Sally's wedding day, I slept in and enjoyed it. Everything had been scheduled, programmed and figured out for the big party that night. It was a nice beginning to a day I had been dreading, then anticipating and then dreading once again but it looked like everything was going to turn out okay.
I turned over and looked at Charles. He was in his not really asleep but not really awake mode. I smiled at him and he gave me a half smile back. He was still waking up.
"Charles, did you think four months ago we would be waking up to this today?" I asked.
"Never in a million years," he mumbled.
"I know this is crazy, but a part of me is a little sad she isn't getting married."
"I know dear," said Charles.
"What do you mean, you know?" I asked, surprised. I mean, I knew we both thought they were crazy to get married and wanted them to realize it and call it off but now that they were, why was I a little sad and how did Charles know it.
"I mean I know you. I knew you'd be a little sad, even though we all agree this is probably the best solution. I mean, who would have thought they would stay friends let alone in a relationship after something like this but they did and they are happy, only now, you've put all your energy and time and creative juices into making a wedding possible that is not going to happen. It's a little sad to see something you've worked so hard for never come to pass, at least not as originally planned. I think this party is going to be the best one you've ever thrown."
"Well, it's at least going to be the only party that ever started out as a wedding but ended up as a party, I hope. I think the next time Sally decides to get married, perhaps we should suggest she elope. I'm not sure I can go through this again," I replied.
"If Sally ends up marrying Peter sometime in the far distant future, they are going to have to elope and then we'll throw them a Just Married party afterwards because none of our friends and family are going to commit to another wedding with those two involved!" said Charles and he was right.
"Amen to that, dear. I guess we'd better get up and get going," I said as I got out of bed.
We spent the day bustling around town, helping our family members see the sights and finishing up the last minute details. There really wasn't that much to do and somehow, I was not stressed. I should have been seeing as how I was a mother of a bride to be that hadn't been but who was still throwing a party for all those wedding invitees with the potential for awkwardness at about 99.9%. It was taken as a gift from heaven.
The party was a huge success. Peter and Sally mingled with the guests, holding hands and looking super cute. They did their best to get rid of any awkwardness but there was still some given the situation. The guests mingled, they danced, they ate and they gossiped. It was life.
Aunt Melissa, my father's older sister who is well known for her strong opinions, her forceful personality (never considered pushy unless you are not family) and her loud voice, was the first that night, to question what was going on. I was chatting with Aunt Grace, my father's other sister, when we overheard her talking to family members at her table, three tables over. She is half deaf so most of the people in attendance heard her.
"Can you believe these young people? I don't know what Sally was thinking! What do they mean calling off a wedding so close to the wedding date? What is this party supposed to be about? What is a celebration of life party anyway? Isn't everyday a celebration of life? And why are these two people still together? Either get together and get married or split up and find someone you do want to marry!" said Aunt Melissa.
These were the questions most of us were thinking and wondering about. Most of the guests had stopped to listen to Aunt Melissa. Even Peter and Sally had stopped chatting and were looking at one another, wondering what to do. I was wondering too. It was awkward and that was the one thing I was trying to avoid. Our friends and family members were here to support us and the one thing I did not want the party to become was so awkward that everyone wanted to escape.
Just then the DJ started up the music. I looked at my watch and it was too early, but a welcome distraction and I let out a sigh of relief. I looked over at the DJ and there was Charles, chatting with the DJ and looking my way. He winked at me (my husband, not the DJ) and I was grateful again for Charles. He may be in China a lot but he comes through when I need him. I hustled over to Peter and Sally and told them to dance. It was not negotiable. I motioned to my brother and his wife and a couple of other friends and they all made their way to the dance floor. Soon everyone was dancing. Charles came over, swooped me up in his arms and told me he was going to dance the night away with me. I let him.
That night, as I was getting ready for bed I had to admit that Aunt Melissa had some valid points. I did not understand any better than she did this crazy situation Sally and Peter found themselves. I wish I did. I wish I had the answers to Aunt Melissa's questions and a few of my own, for both her sake and mine, but I did not. Sally and Peter were going to have to work it out and as Sally's parents, we would support her when and how we could. However, if they decided to get married, again, I was insisting on a Vegas wedding. Some things should just not be repeated!
