Starting Over
started from the mind of Maryanne
Maryanne:
When Alice’s dad passed suddenly, everything seemed to move in slow motion. Nothing in the world seemed right and the weight of the world was thrown full throttle at Alice’s unsuspecting and ill prepared mother, Ruthanne. She pressed forward and gracefully accepted the hand she was dealt, but Alice heard her mom’s sobs late at night when she thought there were no witness’ to her grief.
Ruthanne had always been independent and strong, but this loss required an unfamiliar strength. She felt like an old party balloon; still floating, just barely, anticipating the inevitable time when everything she kept inside would burst or deflate entirely.
For the first several months, Ruthanne was on auto pilot, just staying the course, just trying to make it from one day to the next. Alice often wondered how she juggled everything and still held it together. At night, when she heard her mom’s muffled cries, her heart ached for answers no one could give.
For Ruthanne, night time was the hardest. She buried her face in Keith’s pillow trying to breathe in his scent and sobbed herself to sleep most nights. She missed his arm around her waist as they slept, his kiss good night, his reassuring presence.
On nights when sleep could not find her, she would wait until the kids were sleeping and crawl into bed with them one at a time. She’d whisper sweet stories about Keith in their ears, hoping he would find his way into their dreams. She’d talk until her eyes were heavy and raw from tears then tip toe back to her empty bed and drift into a restless sleep filled with images of happier times waiting to comfort her.
Alice loved these secret visits. She often forced herself to stay awake so she could feel the warmth of her mother next to her and soak up the stories about her dad. She was worried that she would forget the way he smelled or the sound of his laugh and these stories preserved those memories somehow. Alice bottled every memory her mom offered, and stacked them in her mind.
8 years later….
Ruthanne sat perched on the bay window twirling Keith’s gold band around the chain she wore around her neck. Alice was coming into town to celebrate her twenty-fifth birthday and Ruthanne eyed every car eagerly as they passed. Though they talked several times a week, their conversations had become shorter and superficial since Alice began dating Troy. Ruthanne was thankful for the calls but like any mom, she ached to hold her kids close, to look them over and see for herself that they were alright…especially Alice. She always worried about Alice.
When the silver Camry pulled into the driveway, Ruthanne leapt up and ran to greet her daughter.
“Alice!” She said kissing her cheek. “I’ve missed you! Come inside. I’ve made fresh lemonade and our favorite cheesecake is waiting for us. We’ve got so much to catch up on!” Ruthanne squeezed Alice one more time and then led the way to the kitchen.
Alice sat crisscrossed on her chair and twirled her hair as she ate her cheesecake.
“Soooo Mom. What’s new? You look amazing….you look happier than I’ve seen you in years.” Alice grinned.
“Funny, I was going to say the same thing about you Alice. I guess love suits us.” She smirked.
Alice choked on her cheesecake and downed her glass of lemonade. “What did you just say?”
“I met someone, Alice. Well, we’ve been friends for years, but one night we got to talking and realized we felt stronger than just friends. We’ve been dating for a few months now. His name is Jim. I feel weird admitting I am dating again at my age. I should have told you. I just didn’t know how to bring it up.” She paused and looked down at Keith’s ring on her neck. “He’s asked me to marry him Alice…and I said yes.”
“I’m a little speechless mom, but so excited for you. You deserve this.” Alice wiped a tear from her eye and grabbed her mom’s hands. “It looks like we’ll be shopping for dresses together.” Alice squealed as she held out her left hand displaying an emerald cut diamond on a platinum band. “Troy proposed too! We’re both getting married, Mom!!!”
Thelma:
The two happily shared their engagement stories with each other. “It’s just so amazing!” Alice exclaimed, “Two weddings!”
“I can’t wait for you to meet Jim,” Ruthanne said, “He’s the sweetest man.” She paused. “In fact, honey, I know you just got here and I promise we’ll spend your birthday tomorrow doing whatever you want, just the two of us, but would you mind if we stopped by Jim’s this evening?”
“Tonight?” Alice said. She had been hoping it would be just the two of them. She wanted to talk about Troy and their wedding plans.
“Please Sweetie?” Ruthanne begged, “Jim’s daughter is visiting and frankly I think Jim is a little afraid of her. It was an ugly divorce and I think Isabelle blames him. That’s the daughter. Please?”
“OK,” Alice said. She would try to be generous to the man who had made her mother so happy.
On the drive to Jim’s house, the two made a plan to go wedding dress shopping the next afternoon.
They pulled up to a small green house on a well cared for lot. There was a black sports car parked in the driveway that looked very out of place in the modest neighborhood. There was a license plate cover on the car. “She who must be obeyed,” it declared. Oh boy, thought Alice.
Jim answered the door. He was a balding, kind-looking man, but he also looked a little harried and incredibly relieved to see them. He gave Ruthanne a quick hug and kiss and extended his hand to Alice.
“I’m so glad to meet you,” he said. “Your mother has told me wonderful things about you.”
Alice instantly liked Jim. How could she not?
“Dad?” a voice called from inside the house, “You don’t have any mineral water?” Jim gave Ruthanne a worried look. She smiled and patted his hand.
“Introduce us to your daughter,” she said.
They followed Jim through a narrow hallway to a small tidy kitchen. A slender woman dressed all in black was leaning into the open refrigerator. She stood up and gave them a forced smile. “I’m Bella,” she said.
“Hello, I’m Ruthanne.” Ruthanne extended her hand and was met with a halfhearted handshake and a furtive up and down glance.
Alice took in her mother’s slacks and cardigan and the look of disdain on Isabelle’s face and felt defensive and indignant. Was it too late for them to escape?
But she saw the companionable comfortable connection her mother and Jim shared. She forced a smile and introduced herself as well.
Later they were seated around Jim’s sparsely furnished living room, holding glasses filled with humble tap water.
“It’s nice you could visit your father,” Ruthanne said, smiling at Isabelle.
“Yeah,” she said, “I’m only here looking for an apartment. I got a job in the city and I need to find a place.”
“Well it’s nice your dad lives here too.”
“Yeah,” Isabelle said. There was nothing about her tone or demeanor that suggested she thought it was nice.
“So what do you have planned for tomorrow?” Jim asked Ruthanne.
“We’re going wedding dress shopping!” Ruthanne’s face lit up and she told Jim about the wonderful coincidence that they both needed wedding dresses. Alice grinned. It was nice to see her mother happy.
“How lovely,” Jim said, “I wonder if…do you think that…Isabelle could join you? Would you like that Isabelle?”
They all looked at Isabelle. She was thumbing through a magazine and looking bored. “Whatever,” she said. “I’ve found my apartment but my flight isn’t until tomorrow evening.”
Alice’s heart sank. This was not what she’d had in mind at all. Tomorrow was her birthday! She’d come home to visit her mother and talk about her wedding and make plans, not to spend time with a perfect stranger who was unfriendly. Then she saw the look of desperation and pleading on Jim’s face and that it was mirrored on her mother’s face as she looked at Alice. She could do this for her mother. And for the man her mother loved. She was twenty-five tomorrow. She was too old to pout or to be selfish.
Frances:
"Sure, we could do that," Alice conceded.
Isabelle looked up from her magazine and looked Alice right in the eye. Alice realized Isabelle knew she wasn't really welcome but was going to come along for the sole purpose of thwarting her. The lines were drawn, but who would be the victor?
Isabelle closed her magazine. "Great, ladies. I'll see you in the morning around 10 o'clock. Dad, I'm going to my room to finish up some work on my computer. It was nice meeting you. I look forward to our outing tomorrow. It should be very interesting."
"Nice meeting you Isabelle," called Ruthanne to her retreating back. Isabelle gave a back handed wave as she walked down the hallway.
"It was sure nice of you ladies to include Isabelle," said Jim.
"Well, she will be my step-daughter soon so this will give us a good chance to get to know one another," said Ruthanne.
Alice stayed quiet. She didn't have anything positive to say and was trying to keep the peace.
Ruthanne and Jim talked wedding plans. How many bridesmaids or should there be bridesmaids, wedding cake, guest lists, colors, flowers, etc. Alice piped in occasionally but mostly just kept to herself. This was the conversation she wanted to be having with Troy, not her mother and Jim, the man she had just met and who was soon going to marry her mother and become her stepfather.
Instead Alice reflected on tomorrow's event. She couldn't think of it as anything else. Isabelle had said it should be interesting, but Alice knew “interesting” was one way to describe what might happen tomorrow. She could make it a living hell. It was her birthday for heaven's sakes. How could she get out of this now? She could pretend to be sick, but everyone would know it wasn't true since they'd all just been together and she was perfectly healthy. Alice didn't want to seem like a coward to these people who would soon be connected to her family.
"Alice? Alice? What do you think?" asked Ruthanne.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" asked Alice.
"Never mind, dear, let's go home. You're probably tired after your long drive today and we have a big day tomorrow. We can make more plans tomorrow at lunch. We are meeting Jim at 1:30. That should give us enough time to try on some dresses," said Ruthanne.
"Okay. It was nice meeting you, Jim," said Alice as she gathered her purse and sweater, trying not to look too eager to escape. Her weekend and birthday celebration with her Mom had suddenly turned into way more than she had expected or wanted.
Jim walked them out to their car and opened the door for her Mom. It was nice a nice touch, Alice admitted. He seemed like a nice guy but that daughter of his was another story. Tomorrow was going to prove very difficult.
The next morning her mother got up early, made her pancakes with fresh strawberry syrup (her favorite) and brought them to her in bed. It was a good start to her twenty-fifth year. There were a lot of good things about to happen this year. Her mother was getting married, she was getting married, her career seemed to be taking off and life was generally good if she could just get through the next couple of hours of dress shopping with Isabelle without saying or doing anything that might sour the family forever. It would prove even more difficult than Alice had anticipated.
Heather:
When they arrived at the dress shop, Isabelle was already waiting for them. She was leaning against the window, flipping expertly through her smart phone with one hand, a cup of Starbucks steaming in the other. Her long black frame looked like a spider next to the pristine white of the wedding gowns in the window.
That's fitting, Alice thought, wanting to get this appointment with the devil over with as quickly as she could.
“Good morning, Isabelle!” her mother chimed in a sparkling voice, approaching her with arms outstretched, ready to embrace her. Isabelle responded with a superficial hug, barely touching Ruthanne.
“Morning....” she said lamely.
Alice and Isabelle nodded their mutual greetings to each other, sizing up their opponent and exchanging a subtle challenge to one another as their eyes met.
There is no way you are going to win this, Isabelle, thought Alice, as they remained stationary, letting Ruthanne take the lead entering the shop.
But a sudden intense look from Isabelle seemed to challenge her, saying, Bring it, wench!
The bridal shop was decorated elegantly with ice blue French toile wallpaper and life-size iron dress forms, with the romantic background music found in old black and white films. There were two large crystal chandeliers dripping on opposite ends of the store, each centered over a semi-circle of full-length mirrors, just waiting to exhibit the bride in all her glory.
Alice heard her mother catch her breath as they entered the store.
“Isn’t this glorious?” she gasped.
“Hmmm, lovely,” Isabelle responded, her voice and demeanor screaming boredom.
“Why, I don’t even know where to start looking,” Ruthanne continued.
Just then a sleek looking woman in an ice blue pantsuit approached us. She did not have a name tag, but it was apparent she belonged with the store.
“You must be the McGoverns,” she said silkily. She spoke in a hushed tone, making her voice sound throaty and sexy. “My name is Celeste. I will be assisting you today.”
She then began to interview the prospective brides, asking them about where they would be married and what type of a gown they were looking for.
“I want a simple church wedding. It will be small and informal, so I was thinking a simple A-line dress would be best, one that covers my shoulders,” Alice answered. Celeste listened attentively but before she could respond, was distracted by Isabelle’s mocking snicker, who was standing by one of the dress forms.
Isabelle dropped the lacey skirt distastefully and said, without even looking up at the others, “Sounds lovely.”
“Ahem,” Alice continued, deciding it was better to soldier on than to give in this easily. “I was thinking some lace detailing on the bodice and sleeves would be pretty, and not too overwhelming.”
“Yes, we mustn’t overwhelm your guests with anything that is fashionable. Much better to bore them to death,” Isabelle remarked, issuing an exaggerated yawn.
“I think I have a few dresses that would fit your description beautifully, and I also have a few ideas of my own for dresses that would look amazing on you,” Celeste piped in quickly, looking nervously at Isabelle, still wandering around the shop, fingering and sneering at all the gowns on display.
Alice nodded at Celeste, but her face was starting to turn a deep shade of magenta. She was trying to ignore the attitude oozing from Isabelle, but it was getting harder and harder to keep her cool.
Next up was Ruthanne. “This is a second marriage for both of us, and I am not exactly a spring chicken anymore,” she started, laughing nervously, trying to ignore Isabelle’s stifled snort of laughter. “I was thinking a lovely sheath dress and jacket would be quite appropriate for me.”
“Are you thinking of going with white, or another soft color?” Celeste asked; her sleek blond hair bobbing as she spoke.
“I would still love to wear white,” Ruthanne replied.
“Are you sure you want white?” Isabelle inquired, looking pointedly at Ruthanne as she spoke.
“Well, yes of course,” she stammered.
“I don’t think home wreckers should be allowed to wear white. Period,” Isabelle sneered.
“A….what?” Ruthanne looked baffled, and more than a little embarrassed.
“I’m going to start pulling some dresses, ladies,” Celeste interjected, leaving in a hurry.
“You heard me. You’re nothing but a home-wrecking gold-digger looking for your next easy pickings!” Isabelle continued, pointing her finger into Ruthanne’s chest.
“I have no idea what you are talking about, Isabelle,” she said, her eyes welling up with tears. “I truly don’t. I have known your father for a long time, but I didn’t meet him until after he was already divorced.”
“It’s women like you that drive men like him away from their families!” Isabelle nearly yelled.
“Come on, Isabelle, you know this isn’t fair,” Alice tried to interfere, concerned over her mother’s emotional state. Her patience was just about gone. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know exactly what I’m talking about!” Isabelle screamed, her face twisting in ugly anger. “My father destroyed every dream I had of a happy family when he divorced my mother! Now you think you can flounce right in and take her place?”
“Honey, I think no such thing. I just hope that you and I can be friends,” Ruthanne spoke softly, reaching out to Isabelle with her hand outstretched. “Maybe it will take a little time, but please just give it a chance.”
Isabelle swatted Ruthanne’s hand away, like it was an insult for her to even consider the peace offering.
That was it for Alice. The surge of anger and the need for retribution could no longer be ignored. Before Isabelle even knew what hit her, Alice had taken a flying leap at her, a snarling scream escaping her lips. Dress forms and gowns were at once in the air as the two women fell, rolling across the showroom floor like a pair of brawling street cats.
JoLyn:
Over the sound of Isabelle’s yelling insults inches from her ear, Alice could hear Ruthanne imploring them to stop. Celeste was barking at them to take it outside and the manager in the background was yelling for security.
Alice’s face was full of Isabelle’s black hair and she wondered whether it would be considered unsportsmanlike to pull it. And then she wondered why she was worrying about rules considering that she’d just attacked her mother’s fiancé’s daughter. Isabelle began whimpering and Alice realized she was now on top of Isabelle and had her arm pulled awkwardly behind her back. Taking hold of her senses and not wanting to do any permanent damage, she let up on the pressure. Suddenly, a hulk of a man grabbed Alice around the waist and lifted her off of Isabelle.
“This is the part where I escort you out and you never come back,” he hissed in her ear as he manhandled her to the door. “Celeste has your name and information. We’ll be sure to send you a bill.”
Alice couldn’t believe that bridal boutiques had security. But then she couldn’t really believe she’d attacked Isabelle. As she began to recall Isabelle’s comments and how her mother’s hand had been slapped away, however, she was livid again. The adrenaline was still coursing through her body. As the guard unceremoniously led her out the door she caught a glimpse of Ruthanne looking shell-shocked. The front of her sweater set was splattered with coffee. Apparently she’d taken the brunt of Isabelle’s latte when Alice had attacked.
The security guard finally deposited Alice on the sidewalk in front of the store and then folded his arms in front of him and blocked the doorway. “I suggest you go on home now,” he counseled.
“What about the other one?” Alice protested. “She was so awful, she started it all! Why aren’t you going after her?”
“Her?” the security asked, jerking his thumb inside. Alice shifted so she could see in the window and saw Isabelle bawling in a corner, arms around her knees while Celeste and Ruthanne fluttered nearby, not sure if it would be dangerous to approach. “I’m going to let her calm down first.”
Ruthanne turned from Isabelle and saw Alice looking in. Her one hand clenched Keith’s ring around her neck, the other covered her mouth.
Alice turned away from her mother and slumped her shoulders. This was not the way she had planned the day. She should be in there right now with her mom alternating trying on dresses and oohing and aahing over each other. Alice caught sight of herself in the reflection of the window. She put a finger up to her cheek and winced. It looked like she’d gotten a pretty good rug burn on her face. And maybe a black eye. Time would tell.
“Hope that heals before the wedding,” the guard said, still barricading the door and not looking directly at Alice.
“Thanks for your concern,” Alice retorted. “You can stand down, you know. I’m not going to rush the boutique.”
“Considering your recent behavior, please try not to be offended when I don’t trust you.”
Jim pulled into the parking lot and hurried toward Alice. He had made it to the bridal shop in record time. Alice wondered if he had been on-call for this type of emergency.
“Your mom sent me the craziest text. Are you okay? What’s going on?” Alice shook her head, not quite sure what to say and pointed inside the boutique. Jim patted her shoulder and reassured her saying, “We’ll figure it out.” The security guard moved aside and Jim hurried inside and gave Ruthanne a hug and exchanged a few words. Ruthanne pointed toward Isabelle huddled up in the corner. Jim squeezed Ruthanne’s hand as he left her side and squatted down next to Isabelle, one hand around her shoulder. Isabelle let herself be held.
If only I could go back to this morning and start over without Isabelle, Alice thought.
“Your dad seems awfully calm, considering the damage you just did,” the guard said.
“Oh, he’s not my dad. He’s my mother’s fiancé. So I guess he’ll be my dad . . . I mean not really. . . sort of . . . my step-dad anyway,” Alice trailed off. “At least I hope he still wants to be.”
“And your sparring partner in there?”
“His daughter. I guess that makes her my future step-sister if you want to get technical.”
The guard shifted and looked straight at Alice. A hint of a smile played around his mouth and his eyes were even a little kind as he said, “Well you know what they say, ‘You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your family.”
Alice choked back a laugh/cry. The guard’s words were something her dad used to say to her.
Maryanne
“True. So True.” Alice laughed and wiped a tear away. “I remember taking my brothers down for far less an offence. I guess she’s officially part of the family now.”
“You should have waited until after the wedding to unleash the beast. You gotta can the crazy, ya know?” The guard laughed. “The crown and title go to you though. You definitely won that round.”
Alice sat on her concrete throne with her hollow victory watching her mom nervously twirl the gold band around her neck with one hand while cautiously stroking Bella’s head with the other. It was impossible for Ruthanne to be mean to anyone, even if they deserved it. It was the trait Alice loved and hated most about her mom. In this moment it was hard to see her mom consoling the enemy. How could she say such awful things to people she barely knew? How dare she.
And then a thought came to Alice. “Sometimes the meanest people need the most love” her dad would say. She used to roll her eyes whenever he would give her that line, but now the thought humbled her. Alice looked up to the sky and smiled at this memory of her dad. “She must really need a lot of love dad, ‘cause that girl is MEAN”.
With each miserable tear, a little of Bella’s spitefulness seemed to wash away. She looked up remorsefully at Ruthanne and mouthed what Alice took as an apology. Ruthanne winked at Alice through the window and tucked Bella into a motherly hug.
“I’m sure she is nice once you get past the ‘devil’s spawn’ exterior.” Alice thought to herself.
****************************
Three weeks after the bridal shop wrestling match Alice drove back into town for a “take two” of the dress shopping drama. Ruthanne gave her directions for a new shop, which Alice was grateful for. She wasn’t quite ready to face Celeste or make eye contact with the security guard that pried her off of Bella.
The atmosphere that greeted them in the new shop was amazing. The boutique felt more like an actual wedding event than a shopping experience. Ornate mannequins lined the walls, looking like happy guests awaiting the bride’s arrival. An antique wood trellis sat reverently at the end of a pseudo chapel isle. It framed the three hundred sixty degree mirror that each bride would inevitably view their perfect dress in. It was breathtaking. The room propagated romance. It would be impossible to not find a wedding dress in this ambiance.
A runway worthy hostess welcomed them to the shop and led Ruthanne and Alice back to the dressing rooms where they met their dress stylists…Celeste and Izzy. Thankfully, not the same Celeste as the other shop, but Alice and Ruthanne laughed uncontrollably at this private joke while the clueless stylists looked on in confusion.
“I hope you don’t mind, but our private designer suggested a couple styles for you. They are hanging in your rooms now. I would love to have you try them on first and if they don’t work we can go from there.” Celeste said as she led them into their private dressing suites.
Alice thought it odd that a designer would recommend dress styles without discussing her budget or desires but decided to just enjoy the moment. She just wanted to enjoy today. No drama.
Izzy joined her in the dressing room and slipped a gown from its bag for Alice. The A line, organza and silk gown slid on effortlessly and rested gently on Alice’s shoulders. It felt amazing. Alice’s heart fluttered as she waited to look in the mirror. Izzy pinned a simple veil in Alice’s hair and tied a Swarovski crystal embellished belt around her bodice.
In the next room Ruthanne cried happy tears as Celeste unzipped a beautiful sheath dress adorned with Alencon lace and a beaded sash. She slipped into the dress excitedly and held Keith’s ring against her heart.
As both Alice and Ruthanne made their way down the mock isle they already knew they had found their dresses. They ooo’d and awww’d over each other and relished the moment.
“These dresses are amazing!” Alice admitted joyfully.
“Would you like to meet the designer?” Celeste asked. “She just happened to stop in today.”
“Please.” Smiled Ruthanne.
As Alice looked at her dress from every angle in the mirror her smile faded as a familiar face joined her reflection. Alice began to tense up and instinctively stood in front of her mom.
“Alice. It’s okay. Isabelle invited us here. This is her new shop. She wanted to mend the bridge.” Ruthanne explained softly.
“You look beautiful Alice.” Bella offered.
Alice wasn’t buying it. Her eyes darted across the room as she made mental notes of exits and possible defensive techniques she could use. While Isabelle continued her apology Alice concocted a plan to take Bella down without damaging her dream gown. The thought that someone so callous could be in such an industry was inexplicable to her. Oh, and the dress! There was no way she could buy it now. Isabelle had just brought them here to taunt them. To make her feel vulnerable. She had entered the belly of the beast. Her jaw clenched and she readied herself for a full bridezilla moment until the soft touch of her mother’s hand softened her.
“Just listen sweetheart. She’s trying to apologize.”
Bella had tears in her eyes and a soft expression on her face. “I designed this dress with you in mind. I’m so sorry about the…incident…in the other shop. I was in a really bad place and I was so out of line. Obviously I have some issues with my parent’s divorce that I need to deal with. My dad and I had a long heart to heart after our little brawl. He set me straight on a few things.
After their divorce I always heard whispers of their being an affair. I just assumed he did the cheating. He never corrected anyone and he never had a bad word to say about my mom. Not ever…even when she bad mouthed him. I didn’t know it was her that cheated on him. I just assumed. I am so, so sorry for the way I treated you both.”
“I really hope we can all be friends.” Ruthanne pleaded. “I love Jim so much and I want to start our new life together on a positive note. You both mean so much to us. We have waited such a long time to find this happiness. Can’t we make peace and leave the past behind us?”
“I don’t expect you to forgive my awful behavior so easily, but I’d really like a do over.”
“Throw in the dress and you have a deal.” Alice winked.
************
On a cool September afternoon, Alice zipped Ruthanne into the brilliant white lace dress that her new sister had designed. Ruthanne reached behind her neck unclasping the necklace she had worn for the last nine years and fastened it around Alice’s neck. Alice touched it tenderly as Ruthanne hugged her and said “I think dad would be so happy if Troy would wear his ring.”
As the sun set, the wind blew through the picturesque vineyard, and Ruthanne and Jim exchanged vows in front of family and friends. Their love, like her dress, was simple and beautiful and perfect.
When Alice’s dad passed suddenly, everything seemed to move in slow motion. Nothing in the world seemed right and the weight of the world was thrown full throttle at Alice’s unsuspecting and ill prepared mother, Ruthanne. She pressed forward and gracefully accepted the hand she was dealt, but Alice heard her mom’s sobs late at night when she thought there were no witness’ to her grief.
Ruthanne had always been independent and strong, but this loss required an unfamiliar strength. She felt like an old party balloon; still floating, just barely, anticipating the inevitable time when everything she kept inside would burst or deflate entirely.
For the first several months, Ruthanne was on auto pilot, just staying the course, just trying to make it from one day to the next. Alice often wondered how she juggled everything and still held it together. At night, when she heard her mom’s muffled cries, her heart ached for answers no one could give.
For Ruthanne, night time was the hardest. She buried her face in Keith’s pillow trying to breathe in his scent and sobbed herself to sleep most nights. She missed his arm around her waist as they slept, his kiss good night, his reassuring presence.
On nights when sleep could not find her, she would wait until the kids were sleeping and crawl into bed with them one at a time. She’d whisper sweet stories about Keith in their ears, hoping he would find his way into their dreams. She’d talk until her eyes were heavy and raw from tears then tip toe back to her empty bed and drift into a restless sleep filled with images of happier times waiting to comfort her.
Alice loved these secret visits. She often forced herself to stay awake so she could feel the warmth of her mother next to her and soak up the stories about her dad. She was worried that she would forget the way he smelled or the sound of his laugh and these stories preserved those memories somehow. Alice bottled every memory her mom offered, and stacked them in her mind.
8 years later….
Ruthanne sat perched on the bay window twirling Keith’s gold band around the chain she wore around her neck. Alice was coming into town to celebrate her twenty-fifth birthday and Ruthanne eyed every car eagerly as they passed. Though they talked several times a week, their conversations had become shorter and superficial since Alice began dating Troy. Ruthanne was thankful for the calls but like any mom, she ached to hold her kids close, to look them over and see for herself that they were alright…especially Alice. She always worried about Alice.
When the silver Camry pulled into the driveway, Ruthanne leapt up and ran to greet her daughter.
“Alice!” She said kissing her cheek. “I’ve missed you! Come inside. I’ve made fresh lemonade and our favorite cheesecake is waiting for us. We’ve got so much to catch up on!” Ruthanne squeezed Alice one more time and then led the way to the kitchen.
Alice sat crisscrossed on her chair and twirled her hair as she ate her cheesecake.
“Soooo Mom. What’s new? You look amazing….you look happier than I’ve seen you in years.” Alice grinned.
“Funny, I was going to say the same thing about you Alice. I guess love suits us.” She smirked.
Alice choked on her cheesecake and downed her glass of lemonade. “What did you just say?”
“I met someone, Alice. Well, we’ve been friends for years, but one night we got to talking and realized we felt stronger than just friends. We’ve been dating for a few months now. His name is Jim. I feel weird admitting I am dating again at my age. I should have told you. I just didn’t know how to bring it up.” She paused and looked down at Keith’s ring on her neck. “He’s asked me to marry him Alice…and I said yes.”
“I’m a little speechless mom, but so excited for you. You deserve this.” Alice wiped a tear from her eye and grabbed her mom’s hands. “It looks like we’ll be shopping for dresses together.” Alice squealed as she held out her left hand displaying an emerald cut diamond on a platinum band. “Troy proposed too! We’re both getting married, Mom!!!”
Thelma:
The two happily shared their engagement stories with each other. “It’s just so amazing!” Alice exclaimed, “Two weddings!”
“I can’t wait for you to meet Jim,” Ruthanne said, “He’s the sweetest man.” She paused. “In fact, honey, I know you just got here and I promise we’ll spend your birthday tomorrow doing whatever you want, just the two of us, but would you mind if we stopped by Jim’s this evening?”
“Tonight?” Alice said. She had been hoping it would be just the two of them. She wanted to talk about Troy and their wedding plans.
“Please Sweetie?” Ruthanne begged, “Jim’s daughter is visiting and frankly I think Jim is a little afraid of her. It was an ugly divorce and I think Isabelle blames him. That’s the daughter. Please?”
“OK,” Alice said. She would try to be generous to the man who had made her mother so happy.
On the drive to Jim’s house, the two made a plan to go wedding dress shopping the next afternoon.
They pulled up to a small green house on a well cared for lot. There was a black sports car parked in the driveway that looked very out of place in the modest neighborhood. There was a license plate cover on the car. “She who must be obeyed,” it declared. Oh boy, thought Alice.
Jim answered the door. He was a balding, kind-looking man, but he also looked a little harried and incredibly relieved to see them. He gave Ruthanne a quick hug and kiss and extended his hand to Alice.
“I’m so glad to meet you,” he said. “Your mother has told me wonderful things about you.”
Alice instantly liked Jim. How could she not?
“Dad?” a voice called from inside the house, “You don’t have any mineral water?” Jim gave Ruthanne a worried look. She smiled and patted his hand.
“Introduce us to your daughter,” she said.
They followed Jim through a narrow hallway to a small tidy kitchen. A slender woman dressed all in black was leaning into the open refrigerator. She stood up and gave them a forced smile. “I’m Bella,” she said.
“Hello, I’m Ruthanne.” Ruthanne extended her hand and was met with a halfhearted handshake and a furtive up and down glance.
Alice took in her mother’s slacks and cardigan and the look of disdain on Isabelle’s face and felt defensive and indignant. Was it too late for them to escape?
But she saw the companionable comfortable connection her mother and Jim shared. She forced a smile and introduced herself as well.
Later they were seated around Jim’s sparsely furnished living room, holding glasses filled with humble tap water.
“It’s nice you could visit your father,” Ruthanne said, smiling at Isabelle.
“Yeah,” she said, “I’m only here looking for an apartment. I got a job in the city and I need to find a place.”
“Well it’s nice your dad lives here too.”
“Yeah,” Isabelle said. There was nothing about her tone or demeanor that suggested she thought it was nice.
“So what do you have planned for tomorrow?” Jim asked Ruthanne.
“We’re going wedding dress shopping!” Ruthanne’s face lit up and she told Jim about the wonderful coincidence that they both needed wedding dresses. Alice grinned. It was nice to see her mother happy.
“How lovely,” Jim said, “I wonder if…do you think that…Isabelle could join you? Would you like that Isabelle?”
They all looked at Isabelle. She was thumbing through a magazine and looking bored. “Whatever,” she said. “I’ve found my apartment but my flight isn’t until tomorrow evening.”
Alice’s heart sank. This was not what she’d had in mind at all. Tomorrow was her birthday! She’d come home to visit her mother and talk about her wedding and make plans, not to spend time with a perfect stranger who was unfriendly. Then she saw the look of desperation and pleading on Jim’s face and that it was mirrored on her mother’s face as she looked at Alice. She could do this for her mother. And for the man her mother loved. She was twenty-five tomorrow. She was too old to pout or to be selfish.
Frances:
"Sure, we could do that," Alice conceded.
Isabelle looked up from her magazine and looked Alice right in the eye. Alice realized Isabelle knew she wasn't really welcome but was going to come along for the sole purpose of thwarting her. The lines were drawn, but who would be the victor?
Isabelle closed her magazine. "Great, ladies. I'll see you in the morning around 10 o'clock. Dad, I'm going to my room to finish up some work on my computer. It was nice meeting you. I look forward to our outing tomorrow. It should be very interesting."
"Nice meeting you Isabelle," called Ruthanne to her retreating back. Isabelle gave a back handed wave as she walked down the hallway.
"It was sure nice of you ladies to include Isabelle," said Jim.
"Well, she will be my step-daughter soon so this will give us a good chance to get to know one another," said Ruthanne.
Alice stayed quiet. She didn't have anything positive to say and was trying to keep the peace.
Ruthanne and Jim talked wedding plans. How many bridesmaids or should there be bridesmaids, wedding cake, guest lists, colors, flowers, etc. Alice piped in occasionally but mostly just kept to herself. This was the conversation she wanted to be having with Troy, not her mother and Jim, the man she had just met and who was soon going to marry her mother and become her stepfather.
Instead Alice reflected on tomorrow's event. She couldn't think of it as anything else. Isabelle had said it should be interesting, but Alice knew “interesting” was one way to describe what might happen tomorrow. She could make it a living hell. It was her birthday for heaven's sakes. How could she get out of this now? She could pretend to be sick, but everyone would know it wasn't true since they'd all just been together and she was perfectly healthy. Alice didn't want to seem like a coward to these people who would soon be connected to her family.
"Alice? Alice? What do you think?" asked Ruthanne.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" asked Alice.
"Never mind, dear, let's go home. You're probably tired after your long drive today and we have a big day tomorrow. We can make more plans tomorrow at lunch. We are meeting Jim at 1:30. That should give us enough time to try on some dresses," said Ruthanne.
"Okay. It was nice meeting you, Jim," said Alice as she gathered her purse and sweater, trying not to look too eager to escape. Her weekend and birthday celebration with her Mom had suddenly turned into way more than she had expected or wanted.
Jim walked them out to their car and opened the door for her Mom. It was nice a nice touch, Alice admitted. He seemed like a nice guy but that daughter of his was another story. Tomorrow was going to prove very difficult.
The next morning her mother got up early, made her pancakes with fresh strawberry syrup (her favorite) and brought them to her in bed. It was a good start to her twenty-fifth year. There were a lot of good things about to happen this year. Her mother was getting married, she was getting married, her career seemed to be taking off and life was generally good if she could just get through the next couple of hours of dress shopping with Isabelle without saying or doing anything that might sour the family forever. It would prove even more difficult than Alice had anticipated.
Heather:
When they arrived at the dress shop, Isabelle was already waiting for them. She was leaning against the window, flipping expertly through her smart phone with one hand, a cup of Starbucks steaming in the other. Her long black frame looked like a spider next to the pristine white of the wedding gowns in the window.
That's fitting, Alice thought, wanting to get this appointment with the devil over with as quickly as she could.
“Good morning, Isabelle!” her mother chimed in a sparkling voice, approaching her with arms outstretched, ready to embrace her. Isabelle responded with a superficial hug, barely touching Ruthanne.
“Morning....” she said lamely.
Alice and Isabelle nodded their mutual greetings to each other, sizing up their opponent and exchanging a subtle challenge to one another as their eyes met.
There is no way you are going to win this, Isabelle, thought Alice, as they remained stationary, letting Ruthanne take the lead entering the shop.
But a sudden intense look from Isabelle seemed to challenge her, saying, Bring it, wench!
The bridal shop was decorated elegantly with ice blue French toile wallpaper and life-size iron dress forms, with the romantic background music found in old black and white films. There were two large crystal chandeliers dripping on opposite ends of the store, each centered over a semi-circle of full-length mirrors, just waiting to exhibit the bride in all her glory.
Alice heard her mother catch her breath as they entered the store.
“Isn’t this glorious?” she gasped.
“Hmmm, lovely,” Isabelle responded, her voice and demeanor screaming boredom.
“Why, I don’t even know where to start looking,” Ruthanne continued.
Just then a sleek looking woman in an ice blue pantsuit approached us. She did not have a name tag, but it was apparent she belonged with the store.
“You must be the McGoverns,” she said silkily. She spoke in a hushed tone, making her voice sound throaty and sexy. “My name is Celeste. I will be assisting you today.”
She then began to interview the prospective brides, asking them about where they would be married and what type of a gown they were looking for.
“I want a simple church wedding. It will be small and informal, so I was thinking a simple A-line dress would be best, one that covers my shoulders,” Alice answered. Celeste listened attentively but before she could respond, was distracted by Isabelle’s mocking snicker, who was standing by one of the dress forms.
Isabelle dropped the lacey skirt distastefully and said, without even looking up at the others, “Sounds lovely.”
“Ahem,” Alice continued, deciding it was better to soldier on than to give in this easily. “I was thinking some lace detailing on the bodice and sleeves would be pretty, and not too overwhelming.”
“Yes, we mustn’t overwhelm your guests with anything that is fashionable. Much better to bore them to death,” Isabelle remarked, issuing an exaggerated yawn.
“I think I have a few dresses that would fit your description beautifully, and I also have a few ideas of my own for dresses that would look amazing on you,” Celeste piped in quickly, looking nervously at Isabelle, still wandering around the shop, fingering and sneering at all the gowns on display.
Alice nodded at Celeste, but her face was starting to turn a deep shade of magenta. She was trying to ignore the attitude oozing from Isabelle, but it was getting harder and harder to keep her cool.
Next up was Ruthanne. “This is a second marriage for both of us, and I am not exactly a spring chicken anymore,” she started, laughing nervously, trying to ignore Isabelle’s stifled snort of laughter. “I was thinking a lovely sheath dress and jacket would be quite appropriate for me.”
“Are you thinking of going with white, or another soft color?” Celeste asked; her sleek blond hair bobbing as she spoke.
“I would still love to wear white,” Ruthanne replied.
“Are you sure you want white?” Isabelle inquired, looking pointedly at Ruthanne as she spoke.
“Well, yes of course,” she stammered.
“I don’t think home wreckers should be allowed to wear white. Period,” Isabelle sneered.
“A….what?” Ruthanne looked baffled, and more than a little embarrassed.
“I’m going to start pulling some dresses, ladies,” Celeste interjected, leaving in a hurry.
“You heard me. You’re nothing but a home-wrecking gold-digger looking for your next easy pickings!” Isabelle continued, pointing her finger into Ruthanne’s chest.
“I have no idea what you are talking about, Isabelle,” she said, her eyes welling up with tears. “I truly don’t. I have known your father for a long time, but I didn’t meet him until after he was already divorced.”
“It’s women like you that drive men like him away from their families!” Isabelle nearly yelled.
“Come on, Isabelle, you know this isn’t fair,” Alice tried to interfere, concerned over her mother’s emotional state. Her patience was just about gone. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know exactly what I’m talking about!” Isabelle screamed, her face twisting in ugly anger. “My father destroyed every dream I had of a happy family when he divorced my mother! Now you think you can flounce right in and take her place?”
“Honey, I think no such thing. I just hope that you and I can be friends,” Ruthanne spoke softly, reaching out to Isabelle with her hand outstretched. “Maybe it will take a little time, but please just give it a chance.”
Isabelle swatted Ruthanne’s hand away, like it was an insult for her to even consider the peace offering.
That was it for Alice. The surge of anger and the need for retribution could no longer be ignored. Before Isabelle even knew what hit her, Alice had taken a flying leap at her, a snarling scream escaping her lips. Dress forms and gowns were at once in the air as the two women fell, rolling across the showroom floor like a pair of brawling street cats.
JoLyn:
Over the sound of Isabelle’s yelling insults inches from her ear, Alice could hear Ruthanne imploring them to stop. Celeste was barking at them to take it outside and the manager in the background was yelling for security.
Alice’s face was full of Isabelle’s black hair and she wondered whether it would be considered unsportsmanlike to pull it. And then she wondered why she was worrying about rules considering that she’d just attacked her mother’s fiancé’s daughter. Isabelle began whimpering and Alice realized she was now on top of Isabelle and had her arm pulled awkwardly behind her back. Taking hold of her senses and not wanting to do any permanent damage, she let up on the pressure. Suddenly, a hulk of a man grabbed Alice around the waist and lifted her off of Isabelle.
“This is the part where I escort you out and you never come back,” he hissed in her ear as he manhandled her to the door. “Celeste has your name and information. We’ll be sure to send you a bill.”
Alice couldn’t believe that bridal boutiques had security. But then she couldn’t really believe she’d attacked Isabelle. As she began to recall Isabelle’s comments and how her mother’s hand had been slapped away, however, she was livid again. The adrenaline was still coursing through her body. As the guard unceremoniously led her out the door she caught a glimpse of Ruthanne looking shell-shocked. The front of her sweater set was splattered with coffee. Apparently she’d taken the brunt of Isabelle’s latte when Alice had attacked.
The security guard finally deposited Alice on the sidewalk in front of the store and then folded his arms in front of him and blocked the doorway. “I suggest you go on home now,” he counseled.
“What about the other one?” Alice protested. “She was so awful, she started it all! Why aren’t you going after her?”
“Her?” the security asked, jerking his thumb inside. Alice shifted so she could see in the window and saw Isabelle bawling in a corner, arms around her knees while Celeste and Ruthanne fluttered nearby, not sure if it would be dangerous to approach. “I’m going to let her calm down first.”
Ruthanne turned from Isabelle and saw Alice looking in. Her one hand clenched Keith’s ring around her neck, the other covered her mouth.
Alice turned away from her mother and slumped her shoulders. This was not the way she had planned the day. She should be in there right now with her mom alternating trying on dresses and oohing and aahing over each other. Alice caught sight of herself in the reflection of the window. She put a finger up to her cheek and winced. It looked like she’d gotten a pretty good rug burn on her face. And maybe a black eye. Time would tell.
“Hope that heals before the wedding,” the guard said, still barricading the door and not looking directly at Alice.
“Thanks for your concern,” Alice retorted. “You can stand down, you know. I’m not going to rush the boutique.”
“Considering your recent behavior, please try not to be offended when I don’t trust you.”
Jim pulled into the parking lot and hurried toward Alice. He had made it to the bridal shop in record time. Alice wondered if he had been on-call for this type of emergency.
“Your mom sent me the craziest text. Are you okay? What’s going on?” Alice shook her head, not quite sure what to say and pointed inside the boutique. Jim patted her shoulder and reassured her saying, “We’ll figure it out.” The security guard moved aside and Jim hurried inside and gave Ruthanne a hug and exchanged a few words. Ruthanne pointed toward Isabelle huddled up in the corner. Jim squeezed Ruthanne’s hand as he left her side and squatted down next to Isabelle, one hand around her shoulder. Isabelle let herself be held.
If only I could go back to this morning and start over without Isabelle, Alice thought.
“Your dad seems awfully calm, considering the damage you just did,” the guard said.
“Oh, he’s not my dad. He’s my mother’s fiancé. So I guess he’ll be my dad . . . I mean not really. . . sort of . . . my step-dad anyway,” Alice trailed off. “At least I hope he still wants to be.”
“And your sparring partner in there?”
“His daughter. I guess that makes her my future step-sister if you want to get technical.”
The guard shifted and looked straight at Alice. A hint of a smile played around his mouth and his eyes were even a little kind as he said, “Well you know what they say, ‘You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your family.”
Alice choked back a laugh/cry. The guard’s words were something her dad used to say to her.
Maryanne
“True. So True.” Alice laughed and wiped a tear away. “I remember taking my brothers down for far less an offence. I guess she’s officially part of the family now.”
“You should have waited until after the wedding to unleash the beast. You gotta can the crazy, ya know?” The guard laughed. “The crown and title go to you though. You definitely won that round.”
Alice sat on her concrete throne with her hollow victory watching her mom nervously twirl the gold band around her neck with one hand while cautiously stroking Bella’s head with the other. It was impossible for Ruthanne to be mean to anyone, even if they deserved it. It was the trait Alice loved and hated most about her mom. In this moment it was hard to see her mom consoling the enemy. How could she say such awful things to people she barely knew? How dare she.
And then a thought came to Alice. “Sometimes the meanest people need the most love” her dad would say. She used to roll her eyes whenever he would give her that line, but now the thought humbled her. Alice looked up to the sky and smiled at this memory of her dad. “She must really need a lot of love dad, ‘cause that girl is MEAN”.
With each miserable tear, a little of Bella’s spitefulness seemed to wash away. She looked up remorsefully at Ruthanne and mouthed what Alice took as an apology. Ruthanne winked at Alice through the window and tucked Bella into a motherly hug.
“I’m sure she is nice once you get past the ‘devil’s spawn’ exterior.” Alice thought to herself.
****************************
Three weeks after the bridal shop wrestling match Alice drove back into town for a “take two” of the dress shopping drama. Ruthanne gave her directions for a new shop, which Alice was grateful for. She wasn’t quite ready to face Celeste or make eye contact with the security guard that pried her off of Bella.
The atmosphere that greeted them in the new shop was amazing. The boutique felt more like an actual wedding event than a shopping experience. Ornate mannequins lined the walls, looking like happy guests awaiting the bride’s arrival. An antique wood trellis sat reverently at the end of a pseudo chapel isle. It framed the three hundred sixty degree mirror that each bride would inevitably view their perfect dress in. It was breathtaking. The room propagated romance. It would be impossible to not find a wedding dress in this ambiance.
A runway worthy hostess welcomed them to the shop and led Ruthanne and Alice back to the dressing rooms where they met their dress stylists…Celeste and Izzy. Thankfully, not the same Celeste as the other shop, but Alice and Ruthanne laughed uncontrollably at this private joke while the clueless stylists looked on in confusion.
“I hope you don’t mind, but our private designer suggested a couple styles for you. They are hanging in your rooms now. I would love to have you try them on first and if they don’t work we can go from there.” Celeste said as she led them into their private dressing suites.
Alice thought it odd that a designer would recommend dress styles without discussing her budget or desires but decided to just enjoy the moment. She just wanted to enjoy today. No drama.
Izzy joined her in the dressing room and slipped a gown from its bag for Alice. The A line, organza and silk gown slid on effortlessly and rested gently on Alice’s shoulders. It felt amazing. Alice’s heart fluttered as she waited to look in the mirror. Izzy pinned a simple veil in Alice’s hair and tied a Swarovski crystal embellished belt around her bodice.
In the next room Ruthanne cried happy tears as Celeste unzipped a beautiful sheath dress adorned with Alencon lace and a beaded sash. She slipped into the dress excitedly and held Keith’s ring against her heart.
As both Alice and Ruthanne made their way down the mock isle they already knew they had found their dresses. They ooo’d and awww’d over each other and relished the moment.
“These dresses are amazing!” Alice admitted joyfully.
“Would you like to meet the designer?” Celeste asked. “She just happened to stop in today.”
“Please.” Smiled Ruthanne.
As Alice looked at her dress from every angle in the mirror her smile faded as a familiar face joined her reflection. Alice began to tense up and instinctively stood in front of her mom.
“Alice. It’s okay. Isabelle invited us here. This is her new shop. She wanted to mend the bridge.” Ruthanne explained softly.
“You look beautiful Alice.” Bella offered.
Alice wasn’t buying it. Her eyes darted across the room as she made mental notes of exits and possible defensive techniques she could use. While Isabelle continued her apology Alice concocted a plan to take Bella down without damaging her dream gown. The thought that someone so callous could be in such an industry was inexplicable to her. Oh, and the dress! There was no way she could buy it now. Isabelle had just brought them here to taunt them. To make her feel vulnerable. She had entered the belly of the beast. Her jaw clenched and she readied herself for a full bridezilla moment until the soft touch of her mother’s hand softened her.
“Just listen sweetheart. She’s trying to apologize.”
Bella had tears in her eyes and a soft expression on her face. “I designed this dress with you in mind. I’m so sorry about the…incident…in the other shop. I was in a really bad place and I was so out of line. Obviously I have some issues with my parent’s divorce that I need to deal with. My dad and I had a long heart to heart after our little brawl. He set me straight on a few things.
After their divorce I always heard whispers of their being an affair. I just assumed he did the cheating. He never corrected anyone and he never had a bad word to say about my mom. Not ever…even when she bad mouthed him. I didn’t know it was her that cheated on him. I just assumed. I am so, so sorry for the way I treated you both.”
“I really hope we can all be friends.” Ruthanne pleaded. “I love Jim so much and I want to start our new life together on a positive note. You both mean so much to us. We have waited such a long time to find this happiness. Can’t we make peace and leave the past behind us?”
“I don’t expect you to forgive my awful behavior so easily, but I’d really like a do over.”
“Throw in the dress and you have a deal.” Alice winked.
************
On a cool September afternoon, Alice zipped Ruthanne into the brilliant white lace dress that her new sister had designed. Ruthanne reached behind her neck unclasping the necklace she had worn for the last nine years and fastened it around Alice’s neck. Alice touched it tenderly as Ruthanne hugged her and said “I think dad would be so happy if Troy would wear his ring.”
As the sun set, the wind blew through the picturesque vineyard, and Ruthanne and Jim exchanged vows in front of family and friends. Their love, like her dress, was simple and beautiful and perfect.
