Motherhood is feeling differently about the world from the moment you know you are pregnant.
Motherhood is raw vulnerability after giving birth and wonder that you could love someone that much. Motherhood is asking someone not to smoke around your baby (something you would never have done before) and sudden tears when you hear about something terrible happening to someone else’s baby…or some other baby’s mother. Motherhood is exhausting nights and arms aching from jostling a crying baby. Motherhood is tying chunky shoes on chunky feet and clapping in delight at new feats.
Motherhood is insisting on vaccinations and dentist visits and chores and combing their hair even when it makes them unhappy. Motherhood is gritting your teeth and willing yourself to be patient while they are learning to read and can’t pronounce a word you just told them how to pronounce in the sentence before. Motherhood is careful watching at a playground. Are they safe? Are they happy? Did that fall hurt? Motherhood is the gradual realization that they aren’t perfect. (It’s a little startling because you were so certain they would be perfect.)
Motherhood is the sure knowledge that you are not at all perfect. You lose patience, you aren’t consistent enough, and you forget to order the Happy Meal cheeseburger with no pickles. Motherhood is saying the wrong thing, overreacting, and tuning out during repeated descriptions of the plot of Star Wars. But, motherhood is also being there every day. It is remembering their favorite colors (of the moment) and knowing how to make sandwiches they like.
Motherhood is soothing them when they throw up all over you and bandaging knees and kissing fevered foreheads. Motherhood is anxious wide awake nights while they sleep and you worry. Motherhood is self doubt. Is that consequence appropriate? What more can I be doing? Are they happy? Are they going to turn out alright?
Motherhood is a heartbreaking loosening when they don’t look for you first thing in the morning, they no longer hold your hand willingly, or fit on your lap. It is the day you find yourself looking up into their eyes and it takes your breath away. Motherhood is watching them fail and watching them succeed, watching them work hard, or not, and finding you don’t have much say anymore. Motherhood is wondering how on earth you are ever going to survive and motherhood is knowing that they were God’s before they were yours so of course you will survive.
He will help you.